Ending my weekend on an actually-looking-forward-to-the-week magical mood and decided that's when updates seem the most fresh and real.
We spent the weekend in Burlington, Vermont- my third visit to the Green Mountain State since I began my east coast residency. 48 hours of belly-hurting laughter, delicious food, farmers markets and unbelievably good squash pickles, surprising sunshine, mountain camp reunions with my favorite waterfront staff and a blissful reminder that change is not always a bad thing.
Prior to the weekend getaway, I had a wonderful week at work (a pattern that keeps occurring and can stay). I am, dare I say, really good at my job. Talks of moving up have been whispered but I am keeping my feet firm in the teller line (for now). My coworkers and management team continue to make the day sail through and so far I've actually looked forward to each day. Between quoting Mean Girls, discussing March Madness (my bracket is dead after this weekend...) and planning our weekends together, I have to remind myself it's work- I'm getting paid. Does it get much better?
As for my honest update on post grad progress, I'd like to say I am in the final round. With May creeping upon us and the one year mark of college (cause then I'm not a post grad right?), I have begun to see the steps made and the path I took to get here. In this mess of moving and starting over, breakdowns became the new black and I was extremely fashionable (does the metaphor even work?) But as I listened to a recent friend describe her crash and rise in the post college market, I realized these breakdowns are our tickets to the breakthrough. Each breakdown, each time has brought me here- a place I'm comfortable in and ready to tackle any future derails. They're coming but we're ready.
As for my concluding reflections... Returning to Vermont always includes seeing Kevin's college friends- all of whom have graciously accepted me without question into their ever so tightly knit group of friends. After rounds of "the question game", cans of cheap consumption and a family style Italian meal, smaller conversations of more serious manner began to arise. The future, the next step seemed to be the hot topic. A town that once served a college purpose, quickly became home for these Vermonters but after 3 years of post grad living, the next step is coming into view. It seems everyone is eager to pack up and start the next portion of life. No one is afraid and no one is worried about the friendships that have lasted 7 years. It's exciting to hear their dreams and plans and know that no matter where they are, they'll always have each other. As cheesy as I have just become, it's touching and the solid truth. I moved away and have been blessed to have kept in contact with my core friends. Whether they're back in California both Northern and Southern, sailing around the globe, rising in Chicago sales, dominating in Texas or dreaming of their future steps, we've managed to keep the bonds strong.
I'm constantly reminded that distance means nothing and does not erase what once was. We're just all moving along together and more weekends, like this one, will occur and remind us, as the ever so inspiring and always quotable Carrie Bradshaw once said, "It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away".
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Journey to Spring
If the Boston winter season was the Dipsea race, we'd be heading into Cardiac. For all you non-Marin-ites, that means the end is near, you've hit that moment you've waited for and finally a downhill, a relief and a sweet reminder of why you're doing this whole thing. But oh wait, before we get to the beach, the warm weather and the blissful payoff, there's one more climb. There's one more snowfall and one more bitter month of cold. But you keep reminding yourself that it's coming to an end and suddenly the whole process doesn't seem so bad. Hell, you'd do it again and because you've toughened it out, you're stronger and you're gonna appreciate that summer glow, wave crashing, green grass between your barefoot toes more than ever.
Shall I continue the race metaphor...
Let's just take note of this journey. I am knee deep in my new job and loving it. I actually enjoy getting up early and taking the T to the financial district, storming the streets in my black heels, high waisted skirt and matching jacket and Starbucks Americano in hand. Strides of pride lead me into the Bank of America headquarters for the better half of my day. Hours of standing and correcting my posture leaves me feeling restless and used by the end of the day but... I like it. I have never felt so accomplished and yes I'm at the bottom and yes I have a lot to learn but I'm so intrigued and so eager to keep moving. My favorite cliche has never applied more- endless opportunities. Who would have thought I'd enter the banking world and not only like it but strive to learn more about it. I can only go up and it's going to be an amazing ride.
Besides this teasing spring weather, Boston is finally, dare I say, becoming my home. Celtics games, awaiting Red Sox season and yes I slipped and said 'wicked' the other day but it's finally somewhere I'm calling my own. A feeling so desperately craved and finally beginning to achieve.
Now that my life has naturally smoothed through all the chaos, I'm able to ponder the future and not stress into oblivion. I am able to start planning weekend summer trips (yay Texas!!!) and start acting like a big girl. I am actually making this little thing called a budget and sticking to it. I am years, decades, ok lifetimes slash never am I going to... severe my ties with the west but I'm making footprints out east. This real world thing is much easier when taken day by day but for now, for this current day, I'm doing the best I can and I suppose that's enough.
Shall I continue the race metaphor...
Let's just take note of this journey. I am knee deep in my new job and loving it. I actually enjoy getting up early and taking the T to the financial district, storming the streets in my black heels, high waisted skirt and matching jacket and Starbucks Americano in hand. Strides of pride lead me into the Bank of America headquarters for the better half of my day. Hours of standing and correcting my posture leaves me feeling restless and used by the end of the day but... I like it. I have never felt so accomplished and yes I'm at the bottom and yes I have a lot to learn but I'm so intrigued and so eager to keep moving. My favorite cliche has never applied more- endless opportunities. Who would have thought I'd enter the banking world and not only like it but strive to learn more about it. I can only go up and it's going to be an amazing ride.
Besides this teasing spring weather, Boston is finally, dare I say, becoming my home. Celtics games, awaiting Red Sox season and yes I slipped and said 'wicked' the other day but it's finally somewhere I'm calling my own. A feeling so desperately craved and finally beginning to achieve.
Now that my life has naturally smoothed through all the chaos, I'm able to ponder the future and not stress into oblivion. I am able to start planning weekend summer trips (yay Texas!!!) and start acting like a big girl. I am actually making this little thing called a budget and sticking to it. I am years, decades, ok lifetimes slash never am I going to... severe my ties with the west but I'm making footprints out east. This real world thing is much easier when taken day by day but for now, for this current day, I'm doing the best I can and I suppose that's enough.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Growth Spurt
Rather than explaining where I've been, let's just jump into my favorite form of blogging digestion: bullet points.
- The first month of the new year has come and gone. Filled with my best friend's visit for new years, a new job, a trip to California to celebrate 100 fabulous years of Great Grandma Vi's life and a new reality slash look on my personal life. Where to begin... I decided to job hunt in the beginning of December- bless the preschool and all its generosity but it was not the right fit. I have no desire to enter early education and within 2 months, I felt that I had hit the ceiling and there was no room for growth. Making no money and a horrible commute, I took the first step forward. By January 3rd, I had an offer for a tour management job that seemed like a perfect fit. I left the school and went out on the limb only to be fooled and disappointed. What seemed like a fabulous job leading to a new career, ended up being a nonprofessional scheme that I had fallen into. Fortunately my detective skills spotted the red flags and I backed out as soon as possible. Leaving left me feeling proud of my decision, confident in myself but also predictably unemployed.
- Round two of unemployed has been very different than 4 months ago. This time around I'm holding my head high, I take caution with Craigslist (and highly advise against it), I am filled with faith that it will all work out and I am monitoring my finances like a real champ. My life is much more grounded and the chaos and worry that overwhelmed me last time simply does not exist. These past 2 weeks I have been clearly job hunting but also dabbling in personal favorites like writing, working out, watching trash TV, reading books that have sat on my shelf for months and spending snow days wrapped up with Kevin and his family playing board games and lying in the copious amounts of snow that are doomed to never go away. Rather than sit around and worry about life, I feel like I'm out there living it. I've taken up a new interest in cooking- I actually found a recipe in a magazine and made it! This is a huge step for me seeing as I usually heat up frozen veggies, add BBQ sauce and call it a day. You can see my tasty, so simple yet so delightful creation below- egg whites with tomato and onion served in a pleated, whole wheat tortilla. Topped off with the much needed Cholula.
- So all in all this year is still wonderful and I am glowing from this personal growth. I have always preached this behavior but for the first time I am doing it myself. For the first time, I'm completely confident in my decision to live in Boston. I no longer question why I'm here or if I should escape to California even though that's the easier road. I feel very strong about my last job interview- it would be a great stepping stone, a manageable commute and somewhere I could continue to grow. And if I don't get it- I'm not worried. There are opportunities arising everyday and the right one will come along in due time.
- In final thoughts, as mentioned a year ago, Valentine's Day is my 2nd favorite holiday. A day dedicated to love, conversation hearts, red and pink sparkles and, of course, my baby brother's birthday. A day so special I'll save it for another post.
- The first month of the new year has come and gone. Filled with my best friend's visit for new years, a new job, a trip to California to celebrate 100 fabulous years of Great Grandma Vi's life and a new reality slash look on my personal life. Where to begin... I decided to job hunt in the beginning of December- bless the preschool and all its generosity but it was not the right fit. I have no desire to enter early education and within 2 months, I felt that I had hit the ceiling and there was no room for growth. Making no money and a horrible commute, I took the first step forward. By January 3rd, I had an offer for a tour management job that seemed like a perfect fit. I left the school and went out on the limb only to be fooled and disappointed. What seemed like a fabulous job leading to a new career, ended up being a nonprofessional scheme that I had fallen into. Fortunately my detective skills spotted the red flags and I backed out as soon as possible. Leaving left me feeling proud of my decision, confident in myself but also predictably unemployed.
- Round two of unemployed has been very different than 4 months ago. This time around I'm holding my head high, I take caution with Craigslist (and highly advise against it), I am filled with faith that it will all work out and I am monitoring my finances like a real champ. My life is much more grounded and the chaos and worry that overwhelmed me last time simply does not exist. These past 2 weeks I have been clearly job hunting but also dabbling in personal favorites like writing, working out, watching trash TV, reading books that have sat on my shelf for months and spending snow days wrapped up with Kevin and his family playing board games and lying in the copious amounts of snow that are doomed to never go away. Rather than sit around and worry about life, I feel like I'm out there living it. I've taken up a new interest in cooking- I actually found a recipe in a magazine and made it! This is a huge step for me seeing as I usually heat up frozen veggies, add BBQ sauce and call it a day. You can see my tasty, so simple yet so delightful creation below- egg whites with tomato and onion served in a pleated, whole wheat tortilla. Topped off with the much needed Cholula.
- So all in all this year is still wonderful and I am glowing from this personal growth. I have always preached this behavior but for the first time I am doing it myself. For the first time, I'm completely confident in my decision to live in Boston. I no longer question why I'm here or if I should escape to California even though that's the easier road. I feel very strong about my last job interview- it would be a great stepping stone, a manageable commute and somewhere I could continue to grow. And if I don't get it- I'm not worried. There are opportunities arising everyday and the right one will come along in due time.
- In final thoughts, as mentioned a year ago, Valentine's Day is my 2nd favorite holiday. A day dedicated to love, conversation hearts, red and pink sparkles and, of course, my baby brother's birthday. A day so special I'll save it for another post.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
One Magic Christmas
With nearly 20 inches of snow beginning to fill Boston with post Christmas spirit, I feel it's the first time I am sitting, calm and have no where to be. Don't get me wrong, I love the fast paced life, the busy schedules and the joyous feeling of falling into bed after somehow cramming 25 hours into a 24 hour day. But for now, this quiet and stillness is just what I've craved.
Seeing as the last month flew by, the backtracking seems to ramble from my mouth. Thanksgiving was the best and by best I mean best. Just what I needed, just what I hoped for. Days upon returning to Boston, we drove up to Vermont where the freezing ice revealed my first snow dusting of the season. Kevin did a show and opened for Nick Cannon (did I really forget to tell everyone Kev does stand up comedy...), we saw old camp friends, reunited with Kevin's college friends and returned to warmer weather in B-town.
Days later we hoped on the Fung-Wah bus and headed south to the ever so magical land of New.York.City. Within 48 hours, we saw it all. Friends for bottomless brunch, Cake Boss, Dylan's Candy Bar, Serendipity, The Plaza and made Home Alone faces, the Rockefeller tree that literally brought a tear to my eye, Bryant Park ice skating, the ever so inspiring NY Public Library, celebrities in Greenwich, college friends in the lower east side and spent a solid sleep in Hoboken with Kevin's oldest childhood friend. As the rain began to pour, we headed back to Boston, a winning Patriot's game and just in time to get the Anglin Christmas tree!
The first weekend in Boston, in nearly a month, gave me the much needed opportunity to reevaluate things. Here we were deep in the Christmas season, the first snow blessed us, the joyful holiday spirit in full bloom and I was stuck in bed for the 3rd time in a month with the flu. The weakened immunity brought out my strengths as I decided to make a new plan. A new and yes again progressing plan. A plan where I'm no longer this fresh grad starving for work but am an adult beginning to make it. The plan is still in the creation period but just the feeling of knowing I can do more, I can be more- has fully uplifted my spirits.
Christmas arrived at a record speed. School closed, celebrations occurred and suddenly it was Christmas Eve. Time for a selfish confession. As a true lover of Christmas and one who relies too heavily on the love and support of her family, I thought this Christmas was going to slip away and I'd be left in shambles. Thousands of miles away from my own traditions, my own stocking, my own family, I felt that I'd be forgotten and just prayed the holiday would pass. I even feel embarrassed now to confess such selfish thoughts but I am confident enough to laugh at myself and tell you all that this was truly the best Christmas I've ever had. Not only was I not forgotten but I don't think I've ever been so remembered. Starting from the parents at school to my parents on the west coast to Kevin's parents here in Boston- I have truly never felt so loved in my life. The Anglin's graciously asked me to spend the holiday with them. They shared their traditions and treated me as one of their own. Christmas Eve dinner with 20 cousins, meeting Grandma Christmas day, a stocking hung with care and a spot in their family Christmas photo. The entire day was perfect and the only tear shed was when I opened Kevin's gift and I've never felt more thankful for or loved by anyone before. White snow, delicious food and the pure warmth of family. A hilarious conference call (thanks Skype!) to California let me hear the voices I had been missing and for a moment I felt I was sitting there right at Jeffrey court.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older but then again maybe it's because I need to grow up. My mentality and views on things such as Christmas have begun to change. I no longer run downstairs in PJs to daze over Santa's presents or even make a Christmas list and hope that I've made it on the nice list. But now, 22 years later, I think I'm beginning to understand the real meaning of Christmas. It was a whole season of love, of believing in yourself, of making dreams come true and of being surrounded by family whether or not they share your last name. This new insight, this new blessing was the greatest gift of all. I still can't wait to see the people who know me best (and revealed that in this year's tradition of limericks) and let California embrace me with her sunshine. But until then I'll be okay. I've got time, I've got dreams and plans to make and it's safe to say, I've got a pretty good thing going for me here in Boston.
Seeing as the last month flew by, the backtracking seems to ramble from my mouth. Thanksgiving was the best and by best I mean best. Just what I needed, just what I hoped for. Days upon returning to Boston, we drove up to Vermont where the freezing ice revealed my first snow dusting of the season. Kevin did a show and opened for Nick Cannon (did I really forget to tell everyone Kev does stand up comedy...), we saw old camp friends, reunited with Kevin's college friends and returned to warmer weather in B-town.
Days later we hoped on the Fung-Wah bus and headed south to the ever so magical land of New.York.City. Within 48 hours, we saw it all. Friends for bottomless brunch, Cake Boss, Dylan's Candy Bar, Serendipity, The Plaza and made Home Alone faces, the Rockefeller tree that literally brought a tear to my eye, Bryant Park ice skating, the ever so inspiring NY Public Library, celebrities in Greenwich, college friends in the lower east side and spent a solid sleep in Hoboken with Kevin's oldest childhood friend. As the rain began to pour, we headed back to Boston, a winning Patriot's game and just in time to get the Anglin Christmas tree!
The first weekend in Boston, in nearly a month, gave me the much needed opportunity to reevaluate things. Here we were deep in the Christmas season, the first snow blessed us, the joyful holiday spirit in full bloom and I was stuck in bed for the 3rd time in a month with the flu. The weakened immunity brought out my strengths as I decided to make a new plan. A new and yes again progressing plan. A plan where I'm no longer this fresh grad starving for work but am an adult beginning to make it. The plan is still in the creation period but just the feeling of knowing I can do more, I can be more- has fully uplifted my spirits.
Christmas arrived at a record speed. School closed, celebrations occurred and suddenly it was Christmas Eve. Time for a selfish confession. As a true lover of Christmas and one who relies too heavily on the love and support of her family, I thought this Christmas was going to slip away and I'd be left in shambles. Thousands of miles away from my own traditions, my own stocking, my own family, I felt that I'd be forgotten and just prayed the holiday would pass. I even feel embarrassed now to confess such selfish thoughts but I am confident enough to laugh at myself and tell you all that this was truly the best Christmas I've ever had. Not only was I not forgotten but I don't think I've ever been so remembered. Starting from the parents at school to my parents on the west coast to Kevin's parents here in Boston- I have truly never felt so loved in my life. The Anglin's graciously asked me to spend the holiday with them. They shared their traditions and treated me as one of their own. Christmas Eve dinner with 20 cousins, meeting Grandma Christmas day, a stocking hung with care and a spot in their family Christmas photo. The entire day was perfect and the only tear shed was when I opened Kevin's gift and I've never felt more thankful for or loved by anyone before. White snow, delicious food and the pure warmth of family. A hilarious conference call (thanks Skype!) to California let me hear the voices I had been missing and for a moment I felt I was sitting there right at Jeffrey court.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older but then again maybe it's because I need to grow up. My mentality and views on things such as Christmas have begun to change. I no longer run downstairs in PJs to daze over Santa's presents or even make a Christmas list and hope that I've made it on the nice list. But now, 22 years later, I think I'm beginning to understand the real meaning of Christmas. It was a whole season of love, of believing in yourself, of making dreams come true and of being surrounded by family whether or not they share your last name. This new insight, this new blessing was the greatest gift of all. I still can't wait to see the people who know me best (and revealed that in this year's tradition of limericks) and let California embrace me with her sunshine. But until then I'll be okay. I've got time, I've got dreams and plans to make and it's safe to say, I've got a pretty good thing going for me here in Boston.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A Thankful Fit
Sitting in the Boston Logan International Airport surrounded by fellow travelers, fellow unknown friends that are craving home, fellow Bostonians who are saying goodbye to our city and hello to somewhere that once quite possibly was home. It wasn't till I was leaving that I realized how adapted, how comfortable, how much this city has grown on me and I've grown into it. It's like a new mattress, a new pillow- something that will soon provide the necessary comfort one needs to survive but takes nights of restless sleep, nights of questioning if you'll ever make it, nights of tossing, turning and wanting your old mattress/pillow that formed to every curve and line of your body.
Thanksgiving always seems like the perfect time to reflect. The end of November and somehow this year has just sped through. This year I seem to be the most grateful and thankful because as I scan this year- this year of change, of questioning, of wandering- I am beyond thankful for everyone and everything. It feels like such a growing year. I've become someone I actually like- someone I'm proud to be.
Leaving Boston and returning to California- leaving a loved one and returning to loved ones. I suppose that's all you can ask for- that no matter where you go, you're loved. You're missed, someone is awaiting your arrival- there's someone thinking of you.
So I'm thankful for it all- thankful that I can go back to California, that although it's all changed nothing with our family rituals will have altered. Thankful that Lexi will be returning from her 5 month travels abroad, thankful to hear about everyone's new lives, thankful to make fun of Silas' college raging behavior, thankful for some In&Out, some Home Alone viewing and at the end of it all, I get to return to Kevin- someone I'm endlessly thankful for everyday, every moment, every way.
Thanksgiving always seems like the perfect time to reflect. The end of November and somehow this year has just sped through. This year I seem to be the most grateful and thankful because as I scan this year- this year of change, of questioning, of wandering- I am beyond thankful for everyone and everything. It feels like such a growing year. I've become someone I actually like- someone I'm proud to be.
Leaving Boston and returning to California- leaving a loved one and returning to loved ones. I suppose that's all you can ask for- that no matter where you go, you're loved. You're missed, someone is awaiting your arrival- there's someone thinking of you.
So I'm thankful for it all- thankful that I can go back to California, that although it's all changed nothing with our family rituals will have altered. Thankful that Lexi will be returning from her 5 month travels abroad, thankful to hear about everyone's new lives, thankful to make fun of Silas' college raging behavior, thankful for some In&Out, some Home Alone viewing and at the end of it all, I get to return to Kevin- someone I'm endlessly thankful for everyday, every moment, every way.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Progressive Thoughts
With the new addiction to tumblr, my thoughts seem to come in visual or list form. So why stop now...
* I am loving my new job at the preschool. Things that were difficult to get used to: up by 7:30 am every day and not home till after 6pm, the hour long commute both ways, the unreliability of public transportation, the frustration in trying to explain why a nine is shaped like "9" and is not the same at the letter "q" and working 5 days a week while still trying to have a social life. But I am getting through it all by finding the romance in it- seeing the beauty in the commute, the same people, the rituals, the brisk morning walks, the accomplishing feeling when I return home, the magic of following a schedule and laughing at nearly everything my students say (like calling me Miss Dylan...)
* I am still exploring and finding the glory in Boston. Kevin and I went to Cape Cod, I still spend a few hours of the weekend at the Boston Public Library (my commute allows for free reading!) and I actually know my way around. Whether it's the green line, the grocery store or the cobble streets, I am beginning to look like I belong here and even get stopped for directions.
* Since these are confessions it seems natural to reveal some of the not so bright highlights of this new life I am leading. I'll just go out and say it- living 3,000 miles away from CA, having your best friends in all different states and time zones, missing your old life yet knowing you belong in the new one and trying to put on a smile is the hardest thing I've had to do. At times I have felt like a complete failure. I have broken down and wanted to run backwards, I have stalked my friends' pictures on facebook of their current college days and for the first time in a long time I felt completely and utterly lost. With the help of my parents, siblings, friends and boyfriend, I came into the light and am again learning to take it one day at a time. I guess I knew it would be hard but not this hard. It even took me awhile to seek help, to even talk about my current situation because really who wants to talk about feeling lost and depressed?
* As always, there is a bright side! I have taken steps out of the dark shadows and am currently exhaling and loving this life. Yes I miss the past but I know this is where I belong. Yes I have no money and every day brings the new question of what to do about it but I have a job and I am trying (and I have become a better cook!!!!). I miss my friends but I am making new ones here (whether they are Kevin's, dear long lost sorority sisters or random people I meet on the T, I have literally never been this friendly in my life (except when I was rushing Theta...).
* More bright sides (because you can never really have enough). I am going home to CA for Thanksgiving and the school was beyond generous and said do whatever it takes to get the cheapest flight- family comes first. I am spending Christmas with Kevin's family!! For a holiday seasonal mini vacation, we are going to NYC for ice skating in Central Park (yes like my all time favorite movie Serendipity) and seeing the Christmas tree in hopes that Kevin McCallister is still there and home alone. We're spending NYE 2011 in NYC (I used to dream of this when Carson Daily still was on MTV) and finally in January, Kevin will return home with me for my Great Grandma Vi's 100th Birthday!!
* So yes life has ups and downs and plateaus and does flips and sometimes this little life rollercoaster metaphor can get stuck but in the end, the ride is always, always worth it.
* I am loving my new job at the preschool. Things that were difficult to get used to: up by 7:30 am every day and not home till after 6pm, the hour long commute both ways, the unreliability of public transportation, the frustration in trying to explain why a nine is shaped like "9" and is not the same at the letter "q" and working 5 days a week while still trying to have a social life. But I am getting through it all by finding the romance in it- seeing the beauty in the commute, the same people, the rituals, the brisk morning walks, the accomplishing feeling when I return home, the magic of following a schedule and laughing at nearly everything my students say (like calling me Miss Dylan...)
* I am still exploring and finding the glory in Boston. Kevin and I went to Cape Cod, I still spend a few hours of the weekend at the Boston Public Library (my commute allows for free reading!) and I actually know my way around. Whether it's the green line, the grocery store or the cobble streets, I am beginning to look like I belong here and even get stopped for directions.
* Since these are confessions it seems natural to reveal some of the not so bright highlights of this new life I am leading. I'll just go out and say it- living 3,000 miles away from CA, having your best friends in all different states and time zones, missing your old life yet knowing you belong in the new one and trying to put on a smile is the hardest thing I've had to do. At times I have felt like a complete failure. I have broken down and wanted to run backwards, I have stalked my friends' pictures on facebook of their current college days and for the first time in a long time I felt completely and utterly lost. With the help of my parents, siblings, friends and boyfriend, I came into the light and am again learning to take it one day at a time. I guess I knew it would be hard but not this hard. It even took me awhile to seek help, to even talk about my current situation because really who wants to talk about feeling lost and depressed?
* As always, there is a bright side! I have taken steps out of the dark shadows and am currently exhaling and loving this life. Yes I miss the past but I know this is where I belong. Yes I have no money and every day brings the new question of what to do about it but I have a job and I am trying (and I have become a better cook!!!!). I miss my friends but I am making new ones here (whether they are Kevin's, dear long lost sorority sisters or random people I meet on the T, I have literally never been this friendly in my life (except when I was rushing Theta...).
* More bright sides (because you can never really have enough). I am going home to CA for Thanksgiving and the school was beyond generous and said do whatever it takes to get the cheapest flight- family comes first. I am spending Christmas with Kevin's family!! For a holiday seasonal mini vacation, we are going to NYC for ice skating in Central Park (yes like my all time favorite movie Serendipity) and seeing the Christmas tree in hopes that Kevin McCallister is still there and home alone. We're spending NYE 2011 in NYC (I used to dream of this when Carson Daily still was on MTV) and finally in January, Kevin will return home with me for my Great Grandma Vi's 100th Birthday!!
* So yes life has ups and downs and plateaus and does flips and sometimes this little life rollercoaster metaphor can get stuck but in the end, the ride is always, always worth it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Whole Truth
One month in. I can't tell if it feels like a long or short amount of passed time. With such unpredictable, schedule free days, my life seems to be slowly molding. It's been a rollercoaster and I am dying for smooth sailing. Time to back track.
- I got a job in inside sales for an insurance company. A salary, benefits and office downtown seemed so appealing because isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing? I studied for days for my insurance exam and struggled to pay attention- after all I was studying for something I simply had zero interest in. But I pushed myself and luckily pushed myself into clear thinking. What was I doing? I'd be getting into a career I have no desire for. Happiness was no where in view and so I took a leap of faith and rejected the offer.
- I had a nice long chat with myself. What do I really want to be doing? Where is my passion? Suddenly it was right before my eyes. I have spent most of my 'working' time with kids. As a nanny or camp counselor, I surrounded myself with work that never felt like work. It was living. I dared to look into the educational world and found myself falling more and more. I could teach English, read my favorite books, have creative writing assignments and do what I love every day. My next steps formed themselves as I headed for preschool interviews. Still, in this moment, I am waiting to hear from my first choice as a teacher assistant but I realized even if I don't get it, I made the right choice by ditching the insurance job. My dad phrased it well- my dream was to move to Boston not to become a business woman. So I'm focusing on that and letting the rest of my life unfold as it should.
- All this unemployment has given me time for myself and time for exploring. Whether it's weekend trips to Vermont, day trips into the Gardens or afternoons dazed in the Boston Public Library, I have fallen in love with New England and Boston all over again. I've learned to be as cheap as possible and let my adventurous side take over. Sure the list of 'things to do when I have money' is rather long but I still feel like I'm making the most of it.
- I've created a new writing depot. Tumblr has become my site for thoughts and posts with a different tone for a different time in my life. (http://confessionsofapickle.tumblr.com/) Rather than paragraphs with updates, my new blog has become my entertainment and my hobby. Of course I will still write here for this was what inspired it all.
- Overall, life is good. Taking each day at a time (thanks to Keeley's 'Mechanics of Leaving' album I have found deep comfort in knowing I am not alone). Kevin continues to be the best thing to happen to me. He's opened his arms, house, family and friends as I've struggled to find my way. He reminds me daily that this is a normal part of life, that I'll make it, to breathe and that he'll be there for every fall and every rise. Of course I'm looking forward to the rise but until then this uncomfortable, life learning, endless personal questioning phase is exactly where I should be.
- I got a job in inside sales for an insurance company. A salary, benefits and office downtown seemed so appealing because isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing? I studied for days for my insurance exam and struggled to pay attention- after all I was studying for something I simply had zero interest in. But I pushed myself and luckily pushed myself into clear thinking. What was I doing? I'd be getting into a career I have no desire for. Happiness was no where in view and so I took a leap of faith and rejected the offer.
- I had a nice long chat with myself. What do I really want to be doing? Where is my passion? Suddenly it was right before my eyes. I have spent most of my 'working' time with kids. As a nanny or camp counselor, I surrounded myself with work that never felt like work. It was living. I dared to look into the educational world and found myself falling more and more. I could teach English, read my favorite books, have creative writing assignments and do what I love every day. My next steps formed themselves as I headed for preschool interviews. Still, in this moment, I am waiting to hear from my first choice as a teacher assistant but I realized even if I don't get it, I made the right choice by ditching the insurance job. My dad phrased it well- my dream was to move to Boston not to become a business woman. So I'm focusing on that and letting the rest of my life unfold as it should.
- All this unemployment has given me time for myself and time for exploring. Whether it's weekend trips to Vermont, day trips into the Gardens or afternoons dazed in the Boston Public Library, I have fallen in love with New England and Boston all over again. I've learned to be as cheap as possible and let my adventurous side take over. Sure the list of 'things to do when I have money' is rather long but I still feel like I'm making the most of it.
- I've created a new writing depot. Tumblr has become my site for thoughts and posts with a different tone for a different time in my life. (http://confessionsofapickle.tumblr.com/) Rather than paragraphs with updates, my new blog has become my entertainment and my hobby. Of course I will still write here for this was what inspired it all.
- Overall, life is good. Taking each day at a time (thanks to Keeley's 'Mechanics of Leaving' album I have found deep comfort in knowing I am not alone). Kevin continues to be the best thing to happen to me. He's opened his arms, house, family and friends as I've struggled to find my way. He reminds me daily that this is a normal part of life, that I'll make it, to breathe and that he'll be there for every fall and every rise. Of course I'm looking forward to the rise but until then this uncomfortable, life learning, endless personal questioning phase is exactly where I should be.
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