Leading up to how I currently feel was a long journey. Yes with our detours and stops it was nearly 4,000 miles and 6 days of driving but besides the physical distance I literally feel thousands of miles away from the emotional and mental states that used to be the norm.
For starters, leaving camp was emotional as expected. Goodbyes are extremely difficult when you've spent every day, hour and second with people and suddenly you are forced to hug goodbye and give that "I will see you one day" comment when really they are flying across the globe and one day seems like forever. The only warm hearted feeling is that I will stay in touch with those people and Camp Boston starts relatively soon! (Another bonus for living in a city where a) heaps of other counselors attend school b) a place where foreigners wanna see while touring the USA and c) where Kevin calls home :)
36 hours after packing up my dirty, camp fire smelling clothes and driving down the mountains, I had repacked everything, given away half my life and taped endless boxes of things I wanted shipped to Boston. Taylor and I left in 'Shaneanea' (the lil jetta that we grew to love) and said goodbye to the family and the golden state. It was like leaving for college all over again and like this deep, swollen wound in my heart was being torn open. It felt permanent and like that moment in 'Father of the Bride' where she says she knows she can't stay, she knows she can always return but she feels like she has to turn in her key. Funny that it's my all time favorite movie and for the first time I could relate.
We started our adventure and along came crazy stories and memories- pouring gasoline on Taylor's leg, finding blood in my DQ ice cream come (side note I am totally healthy and do not have diseases from this now funny story), sleeping in the car at a truck stop, being pulled over and strip searched by the Wyoming State Patrol, returning to Boulder and seeing the most important people in the 303, camping in the Badlands, exploring Minneapolis and loving it (even went to the State Fair, went on roller coasters and pet a sheep), cruising across middle America and deciding one day I will live on a farm in Ohio, camping in Ithaca and deciding I will never live there nor step foot there again and finally pulling into Boston and seeing that we had made it. Quite the long run on sentence to mirror the long run on my body and mind while being stuck in a car for 6 days.
So this all leads up to these past 24 hours. Last night we got discouraged as a fellow new Boston resident told us we would essentially fail- we wouldn't find an apartment, friends and even that we would gain weight (hum total side track but yes she implied it). We fell asleep in this gorgeous Victorian Boston home (thanks for college friends!) and as I tossed and turned and worried I just tried to breathe. Restless sleep woke me up at 6am and so we tuned out negativity and went off to find us a home.
I had a feeling that apartment #2 would be the one- 22 is my lucky number but I didn't have the patience or time to see 22 apartments so 2 would do. With one turn of the key, Jordan, the 30 year old realtor who suddenly became our bestie, opened the large wooden door of our dreams. Perfect 2 bedroom, large kitchen, inspiring windows and enough possibility to make it our own that no other apartment compared. The next hours now seem like a blur- we had to get papers signed, money transferred, open new bank accounts, drive around Boston and not get hit by the T and somehow survive in the blazing humid heat. But guess what- we did it. By 5pm, we had signed everything, met the owner and convinced him we were the tenants he'd been looking for. We had made friends along the way and actually have furniture looking dates tomorrow (the BC kids put all their sweet furniture out on the streets for free and yes it's classy and yet it's used but literally we are broke).
So here I am- it's been years of dreaming and suddenly it's all coming true. As of midnight tonight, I have an apartment. I have signed a lease for 1 year and therefore, not like I ever would leave, but am required to stay here and make a life. Joanna and I have pushed aside every worry and every bad thing people have told us and well stuck it to the man. We did it.
The universe, now more than ever, is unfolding. Maybe I need a job but tonight I'm focusing on all that I have. I have an amazingly supportive family who went out of their way to praise this accomplishment and even went out of their busy day to co-sign a lease so that his roadrunning daughter can start a new life. I have a best friend who put up with my worries and tears and reminded me that it would work out and friends who currently don't live here but have been in spirit this whole journey. I have a loving boy (ok fine he's a man) who has made me so beyond excited to take over the east coast and explore every inch of my new city with him even though he calls it his backyard. My dreams have literally come true. I may be 3,000 miles away from the west coast, from the familiarity and from the people I love more than humanely possible but in this new city, in a new room with no bed and ok I'm in a sleeping bag until I have enough money to buy a bed... I feel right where I should be and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Heaps of Sunshine
2 months later it seems nearly everything has changed. Currently sitting on the top bunk with the sounds of ropes course and guitar lessons fluttering outside my cabin, I feel pretty distant from the last time I wrote. Throughout the summer there were moments I actually thought of this simple blog- I wanted to share the experience, describe everything I was seeing and essentially give you a taste of this place I’ve grown so attached to.
This summer has been so different from last that I’ve stopped comparing. My activities, the people, the feelings and more are as if I’m at a different camp altogether. I like it that way- it preserves what was last year and creates something completely new for this summer. Some memorable highlights have been working on the ropes course, becoming a sailing instructor, learning guitar, singing on stage and creating/writing the camp blog. It’s been a much more active summer filled with testing and challenging myself while getting that golden tan I dreamed about all winter.
I’ve gotten so close to all my friends here. I’ve adapted the Aussie lingo and know that I always have a place to stay in Scotland, England, Georgia or I’ll always have a traveling partner since everyone here is so ambitious and anxious to grab life’s next adventure.
I suppose the biggest change of the summer is my post camp plan. Clearly I have dreamed of living on the east coast, particularly NYC, for quite some time now. In high school, I covered my walls with images of Boston and applied to 9 colleges 3,000 miles away from the golden coast. When it came time to pick a college, I fell head over heels in love with Boulder and never looked back on my decision- I knew I would always move east afterward. When afterward became the present tense, I narrowed my mind to Boston or NYC. With my dear friend Hannah on my side, NYC won and thus began this long journey and plan to move to Brooklyn. When people kept trying to tear me down about NYC, I got defensive and it made me want to go even more. However, part of me always felt like I had left Boston out. Thus began a battle- was I allowed to change my mind? I’ve been telling everyone NYC for so long it just became the plan. Could I change the plan?
Boston came back into the picture when I realized I don’t want to jump right into the world. Here at camp I’m surrounded by adventurous, spontaneous young people who really live life by the edge. Some people are going to Canada to work or traveling Europe or working in ski resorts for the winter. No one has set plans forever- they are willing to change at any moment. They are taking advantage of this time in our lives- of being young and free. So why was I sitting there worried about starting a career and being a full blown adult? There is so much I still want to do- so many places I still want to travel and so much to experience while I’m just 22. I will still move to NYC. I will still take the subway to work, go on runs in Central Park and ice skate at Rockefeller Center for Christmas. I’m just putting that on pause and I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that it’s ok to admit that.
Taylor, Joanna and I have fully planned out our roadtrip. We are leaving August 24th from CA and plan on making it to Boston by August 30th. When we get to there, we are possibly staying with Joanna’s cousin or maybe a friend from college but we’ll be apartment hunting and starting to discovery this city I’ve dreamed of since 10th grade. There is so much unknown and so much to learn. There are so many opportunities just waiting for me to grab. I’ve begun the job hunt, had a phone interview and scored another one when I get to the city and most of all I’ve started taking all the weight I personally placed on my shoulders and starting breathing again. I’m not worried at all. So my plans have changed- I’m a roadrunner and filled with faith. I can’t wait to walk the cobble streets and embrace the history that sweeps throughout Boston. I can’t wait to roam the east coast for the season change and experience it all.
It will help that I have a friend returning with me to Boston. Not only are Taylor, Rebecca and Joanna sharing the same zipcode but someone who started as a camp friend and is now so much more will be returning to his home town. I’m used to the snickering by now and the questions of if I’m following him. Clearly I am not but having Kevin in Boston will be such a bonus. Not only does he know the city, the coast and more but I’m not ready to end this journey we’ve started together. Of course leave it up to me to find another fairytale romance but this one is something different. This one has left me without questions or worries. This one has shown me the good ones are worth the wait. Lucky for me we aren’t forced to say goodbye but rather hello to the new and exciting experiences that we can’t wait to start together.
This summer has been so different from last that I’ve stopped comparing. My activities, the people, the feelings and more are as if I’m at a different camp altogether. I like it that way- it preserves what was last year and creates something completely new for this summer. Some memorable highlights have been working on the ropes course, becoming a sailing instructor, learning guitar, singing on stage and creating/writing the camp blog. It’s been a much more active summer filled with testing and challenging myself while getting that golden tan I dreamed about all winter.
I’ve gotten so close to all my friends here. I’ve adapted the Aussie lingo and know that I always have a place to stay in Scotland, England, Georgia or I’ll always have a traveling partner since everyone here is so ambitious and anxious to grab life’s next adventure.
I suppose the biggest change of the summer is my post camp plan. Clearly I have dreamed of living on the east coast, particularly NYC, for quite some time now. In high school, I covered my walls with images of Boston and applied to 9 colleges 3,000 miles away from the golden coast. When it came time to pick a college, I fell head over heels in love with Boulder and never looked back on my decision- I knew I would always move east afterward. When afterward became the present tense, I narrowed my mind to Boston or NYC. With my dear friend Hannah on my side, NYC won and thus began this long journey and plan to move to Brooklyn. When people kept trying to tear me down about NYC, I got defensive and it made me want to go even more. However, part of me always felt like I had left Boston out. Thus began a battle- was I allowed to change my mind? I’ve been telling everyone NYC for so long it just became the plan. Could I change the plan?
Boston came back into the picture when I realized I don’t want to jump right into the world. Here at camp I’m surrounded by adventurous, spontaneous young people who really live life by the edge. Some people are going to Canada to work or traveling Europe or working in ski resorts for the winter. No one has set plans forever- they are willing to change at any moment. They are taking advantage of this time in our lives- of being young and free. So why was I sitting there worried about starting a career and being a full blown adult? There is so much I still want to do- so many places I still want to travel and so much to experience while I’m just 22. I will still move to NYC. I will still take the subway to work, go on runs in Central Park and ice skate at Rockefeller Center for Christmas. I’m just putting that on pause and I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that it’s ok to admit that.
Taylor, Joanna and I have fully planned out our roadtrip. We are leaving August 24th from CA and plan on making it to Boston by August 30th. When we get to there, we are possibly staying with Joanna’s cousin or maybe a friend from college but we’ll be apartment hunting and starting to discovery this city I’ve dreamed of since 10th grade. There is so much unknown and so much to learn. There are so many opportunities just waiting for me to grab. I’ve begun the job hunt, had a phone interview and scored another one when I get to the city and most of all I’ve started taking all the weight I personally placed on my shoulders and starting breathing again. I’m not worried at all. So my plans have changed- I’m a roadrunner and filled with faith. I can’t wait to walk the cobble streets and embrace the history that sweeps throughout Boston. I can’t wait to roam the east coast for the season change and experience it all.
It will help that I have a friend returning with me to Boston. Not only are Taylor, Rebecca and Joanna sharing the same zipcode but someone who started as a camp friend and is now so much more will be returning to his home town. I’m used to the snickering by now and the questions of if I’m following him. Clearly I am not but having Kevin in Boston will be such a bonus. Not only does he know the city, the coast and more but I’m not ready to end this journey we’ve started together. Of course leave it up to me to find another fairytale romance but this one is something different. This one has left me without questions or worries. This one has shown me the good ones are worth the wait. Lucky for me we aren’t forced to say goodbye but rather hello to the new and exciting experiences that we can’t wait to start together.
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