Far too often fear gets the best of us. When tested by our biggest concerns or worries, the excuses come easier and self-compromises seem fairer. I think it truly takes someone to, in the kindest way, put you in your place and knock your fears right into your lap. No more hiding, no more excuses and no more fear.
I like to wear the fearless mask but underneath it all I have been ridiculously, childishly afraid of my future. Dare I admit that I like to talk the talk but as I glance at my past, I don’t see the walk. I see the talk and it’s time to back it up. (Yes I shall be my toughest critic).
Today, as I pitied myself and made the casual yet common complaint that I am currently “stuck” in my job, I was ever so graciously knocked out of a fantasy and dropped into reality. The realist revealed, "You only feel stuck because there is no one to tell you how to un-stick yourself.” She continued, "You have to carve your own opportunities and build and independently create yourself." There I sat- knocked off my fantasy wagon and thrown into reality. Honestly, in this career path, I have been waiting for someone to come along and tell me what to do. Tell me what job to apply for, what opportunity to grab and what chances to take. I was too afraid to ask questions about what my future could be and too afraid (and maybe lazy?) to test the waters myself and see what really is out there. Little did I know that all my answers would stem from questions I've been too afraid to ask.
We're on a self made time frame. Our big move is set for March/April and I saw this as a waiting period. A time for me to just sit and wait for someone or something to jump out and offer me that dream. Wrong!!! This time frame is now my chance to build myself up, learn as much as possible and create this portfolio so that my path is filled with experience and examples of pure determination. I thought the desire to succeed was enough but I need to personally put myself into drive. And so I'm ready.
Where does fear play into all of this? Fear was the reason I was waiting. Who wants to stick their neck out and have it chopped off and severed by the big bad boss? Who wants to give it their all and in the end only get a lesson and not a job offer? What I forgot, in the mist of all this fear, is that sometimes when the least expected happens and it's forseen as bad- it might not really be bad. A wise man (or woman because really this quote is anonymous to me) once said, "Barn burnt down, now I can see the moon" and I truly believe the foreseen bad can have good consequences. So here I go- what ever happens shall happen and I'll learn everything I can. I'll learn from mistakes and grow and develop them into something more. With my fearless mask off, I'm actually able to see and for the first time things are appearing with insane clarity.
