I think I've tried to avoid this post. In my mind, I like to update this lovely blog often and reflect on the highlights of this so called magical life I'm living. But what happens when everything is oh not so great and I feel so downhearted that the last thing I want to do is publicly displaying my current failure mindset. Well, this time I became a little hermit crab and rather than seeing the bright side of things I felt suffocated and distraught. Just when I thought the universe was unfolding, everything fell apart and my life was left in shambles. Dramatic explanation, yes I know, but I shall explain.
You all know I have desperately been searching for a new job opportunity- something that challenges me, is actually rewarding and builds my character. I often want to jump and skip steps to get to this next opportunity but for the first time I am steady in my job and awaiting the right gate to open and for that section of the universe to unfold. In other words, the chaos in my life is so extreme I don't even notice my horrible job. Shall I get to the chaos?
I. The Extermination
A. After a wonderful Memorial Day weekend in Boston, visiting our closest friends and old stomping grounds, we returned to the concrete jungle late Monday night. To our dismay, our beautiful, cozy little apartment was suddenly infested and covered in bugs. Bugs ranging in sizes and shapes, diseases and track records and in the matter of moments our room was deemed inhabitable. Our current apartment is covered in plastic where our clothes and personal belongings are unattainable. Tomorrow is the lucky day where it gets sprayed and then another 3 weeks must pass before we dare set up our apartment and attempt to make it a home. Makes you just love NYC. (Also I tell you this in confidence so don't treat me like a leper).
1. On top of this extermination mess, we got into a legal battle with our landlord and I must say, thanks to the New York Housing Act, we are guaranteed to a "bug free" apartment and the little Elle Woods in me found this important information and saved us $500. Take that!
II. Precious Computer
A. After just a year and 4 months of using my new, post college, big girl laptop, it cracked and shattered last week! The screen looks like the inside of a flashlight or dark hole swallowing the only patience left in me. I went to work and it was fine. I returned and it was dead.
1. Flip side- we have hooked the laptop up to the TV screen and therefore all computer activities are done sitting close up with a scrunched back and squinting eyes. Wonderful seeing as I don't have vision insurance.
III. Kevin
A. His phone broke same day at the computer. Verizon was unbelievably unhelpful. Left us saying there was nothing they could do except for Kevin to buy a new $400 phone. Right... Can you hear me now when I say that's ridiculous.
B. Sadly he also is still without a job but he continues to blog (www.kevinanglin.com). And that is about the only thing keeping him sane. In the past, I benefited from his "stay at home dad" ways because I'd come home, dinner was cooked, apartment semi-clean and the night was easy. Seeing as we can't really afford our groceries now, I come home to the poor lad disheveled, hungry and eager to talk to a real human being.
IV. Summer Heat
A. 90* in NYC means death. Plain and simple. 5th floor walk up also means no matter what you are angry when you walk in the doors and you can't cook and you just sit in front of the AC. NOT cool. (Pun intended...)
I'm done complaining.
Never in my life have I felt like there was no out. Like the glass was actually half empty and like there was no turning around. All the negatives took over- the questions left me tossing and turning each night and wondering how on Earth are we gonna make it? How are we going to make rent? How are we going to get rid of these bugs? What else could possibly go wrong?
Of course, I like to think we hit rock bottom. Everything is wrong, everything sucks. But now that I've had some time to reflect and rant in this horribly paced blog, I have realized the following:
1. Things, one day, are going to get worse (as in this is probably not the actual 'rock bottom') and I'll look back at this time in my life and know that if I can get through this I can get through anything
2. I am extremely lucky to have Kevin through all of this. Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, he is one strong kid. As I just burst into tears because life is hard, Kevin finds a quiet way to carry on. Even in this mess, he is going after his comedy career and dream. And hell if he can keep the dream alive during this catastrophe then really he has what it takes to make it big (I, however, am I wimp).
3. Misery loves company. I have got to say a big thanks to my friends and peers who have secretly shared their horrible weeks and life experiences with me. Knowing I am not alone has meant more than it should.
4. My parents, no matter what, still believe in me. Endless emails, phone calls and letters have reminded me that they know we can do this. And they aren't trying to bail us out with financial support. It's the emotional support that has brought me back to the positive side of life. And that my friends has no fiscal value.
5. The only way from down here is up. I will find the beauty in the little things, the inspiration in the small moments and the opportunity in every challenge. It's a long road ahead and the speed bumps and pot holes and ditches are unforeseen and misleading but somehow this journey, in the end, will all be worth it.
