One month in. I can't tell if it feels like a long or short amount of passed time. With such unpredictable, schedule free days, my life seems to be slowly molding. It's been a rollercoaster and I am dying for smooth sailing. Time to back track.
- I got a job in inside sales for an insurance company. A salary, benefits and office downtown seemed so appealing because isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing? I studied for days for my insurance exam and struggled to pay attention- after all I was studying for something I simply had zero interest in. But I pushed myself and luckily pushed myself into clear thinking. What was I doing? I'd be getting into a career I have no desire for. Happiness was no where in view and so I took a leap of faith and rejected the offer.
- I had a nice long chat with myself. What do I really want to be doing? Where is my passion? Suddenly it was right before my eyes. I have spent most of my 'working' time with kids. As a nanny or camp counselor, I surrounded myself with work that never felt like work. It was living. I dared to look into the educational world and found myself falling more and more. I could teach English, read my favorite books, have creative writing assignments and do what I love every day. My next steps formed themselves as I headed for preschool interviews. Still, in this moment, I am waiting to hear from my first choice as a teacher assistant but I realized even if I don't get it, I made the right choice by ditching the insurance job. My dad phrased it well- my dream was to move to Boston not to become a business woman. So I'm focusing on that and letting the rest of my life unfold as it should.
- All this unemployment has given me time for myself and time for exploring. Whether it's weekend trips to Vermont, day trips into the Gardens or afternoons dazed in the Boston Public Library, I have fallen in love with New England and Boston all over again. I've learned to be as cheap as possible and let my adventurous side take over. Sure the list of 'things to do when I have money' is rather long but I still feel like I'm making the most of it.
- I've created a new writing depot. Tumblr has become my site for thoughts and posts with a different tone for a different time in my life. (http://confessionsofapickle.tumblr.com/) Rather than paragraphs with updates, my new blog has become my entertainment and my hobby. Of course I will still write here for this was what inspired it all.
- Overall, life is good. Taking each day at a time (thanks to Keeley's 'Mechanics of Leaving' album I have found deep comfort in knowing I am not alone). Kevin continues to be the best thing to happen to me. He's opened his arms, house, family and friends as I've struggled to find my way. He reminds me daily that this is a normal part of life, that I'll make it, to breathe and that he'll be there for every fall and every rise. Of course I'm looking forward to the rise but until then this uncomfortable, life learning, endless personal questioning phase is exactly where I should be.
