There is nothing better than sitting in a cozy room, wearing a fluffy robe and writing just by the light of the Christmas tree. Our apartment became ten times homier when peppermint and cinnamon graciously took over our senses. Candles and pine, stockings and a manger, our tiny space is filled with joy. This year, maybe more than normal, I am gleaming with holiday spirit. Maybe it's New York or maybe it's because I am finally going home after spending 3 years of distance from my family. Don't get me wrong- those Christmases in Boston were beyond amazing and I actually will miss it but there is no place like home.
I find myself in the ultimate winter break countdown mode which was very typical when I was a student. Until this year, I didn't know it applied to all educational positions and therefore I am yearning and longing for that final day and a 2 week escape. I need some sleep and R&R and to be held tight in California's arms and rest quietly in my parent's home. I need reunions with friends, copious amounts of good wine and a thick book to read by the fire. I want to run and work out not because I am so stressed but simply because it's something I love. In the chaos of these last few months, it seems those simple things have yet again faded away.
It seems that December is always a reflecting month- a time to start looking forward by first looking back. I've said it before but really I can't believe how fast time has gone. It seriously seems just yesterday that we moved to NYC and that we were adjusting to this new lifestyle. Chaos, distress, defeat- it all became the norm. And yet somehow, over time, we climbed out of the slump and into a normal way of life. I now hear of new people moving to the big apple and I have to catch my breath. I am overwhelmed with emotion and have so much to say but yet somehow remain quiet. It's a calling you have to answer, an itch you have to scratch- the move here will try to take you down but when you get to the other side you know it's all worth it. I suppose that's how I feel about this year. 2012- the year of getting pushed down and somehow finding a way to get back up. A year of following dreams, getting a job I love, meeting friends I know I'll have forever, independently exploring this jungle but together building a home with the man I continue to love each and every day more and more than I did before.
I know we still have 21 more days to go until we ring in 2013 but it's safe to say this was another magical, fabulous year in my life. Perhaps my favorite because even in the darkest of times we survived.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Space Between
I've been meaning to write and meaning to sit down and relax, pour a cup of coffee and log back into my little blog. It seems life keeps getting in the way and I find myself clinging to the age old expression, "there are not enough hours in the day!" I am trying to utilize all 24 of the given hours in the best way possible, truly focusing on finding 'me' time and making sure I am living life to the fullest. I will say this has recently been hard.
I find myself living in quite the dichotomy. Let me say that in a 2 week period 4 people, including extended family, college friends and acquaintances, all lost their lives in tragic, unforeseen ways. The bad news just kept coming. It continued when I got a phone call about my grandpa and now I am rushing home to somehow say goodbye. I am pulled in both directions of life. There is a part of me that wants to go home, drop everything now, live in a cardboard box with my family and friends all close to me and just breathe knowing we are all safe and together. The more realistic side of me wants to savor every day, take trips, make mistakes, exhaust a lazy Sunday to the fullest, stay out till the sun wakes and spend every moment thankful to be here. How can I have two such drastic emotions?
I have definitely been acting more on the realistic example above. Even though mini-vacation weekends leave me restless all week at work, I had back to back adventures in Boston and DC. Boston, as always, was amazing. The cape was cool and kind, delicious and cozy. DC was the relaxing weekend I needed and endlessly craved. Not only is DC now one of my favorite places but I got to uncover the city with my oldest, dearest friend Lexi. We crammed everything into less than 48 hours- walking tours, bookshops, robes and wine, happy hour and sushi, late night monument sightings and bottomless brunch. I took my 3 hr train ride back up the coast and arrived in NYC feeling recharged, feeling positive and full. Of course, it was later that week I got the call about my grandpa and so I struggle to find the place between optimism and having reality hit you blindly.
Now I am in my hermit crab phase during this highly anxious storm currently blaring out my window. Dear old Sandy has been the talk of the town. I first heard of the hurricane Friday and we had to send out a letter to all the parents at school just telling them there was a hurricane on the forecast. Little did I know what we were getting ourselves into. By Sunday, there was a dim fragrance of panic in the air. Grocery stores swamped, bare shelves, packed lines and yet the calmest dark clouds resting peacefully above. Schools are closed, the subway is shut down (which basically means NYC is shut down), evacuations continue and we are left waiting. This morning was the first sight of rain while the wind has been rustling for hours. Currently we have power although we have been told we most likely will lose it. Kevin and I are stalked up on food (maybe went a little overboard but whatever) and at least I will be stranded with my best friend should worse come to worse. I am trying to find the positive side- trying to see that this is that down time I have been searching for. There is no work to be done, no timeline, no deadline, no commute, no hussle- there just is life. I am, however, a little nervous about being in a hurricane and the selfish fact that I have a flight home Wednesday and all flights are currently grounded. But rather than stress I just need to sit in the moment, sip my coffee, listen to the roar outside and be thankful I am indoors, warm and not alone. The rest will simply just be.
I find myself living in quite the dichotomy. Let me say that in a 2 week period 4 people, including extended family, college friends and acquaintances, all lost their lives in tragic, unforeseen ways. The bad news just kept coming. It continued when I got a phone call about my grandpa and now I am rushing home to somehow say goodbye. I am pulled in both directions of life. There is a part of me that wants to go home, drop everything now, live in a cardboard box with my family and friends all close to me and just breathe knowing we are all safe and together. The more realistic side of me wants to savor every day, take trips, make mistakes, exhaust a lazy Sunday to the fullest, stay out till the sun wakes and spend every moment thankful to be here. How can I have two such drastic emotions?
I have definitely been acting more on the realistic example above. Even though mini-vacation weekends leave me restless all week at work, I had back to back adventures in Boston and DC. Boston, as always, was amazing. The cape was cool and kind, delicious and cozy. DC was the relaxing weekend I needed and endlessly craved. Not only is DC now one of my favorite places but I got to uncover the city with my oldest, dearest friend Lexi. We crammed everything into less than 48 hours- walking tours, bookshops, robes and wine, happy hour and sushi, late night monument sightings and bottomless brunch. I took my 3 hr train ride back up the coast and arrived in NYC feeling recharged, feeling positive and full. Of course, it was later that week I got the call about my grandpa and so I struggle to find the place between optimism and having reality hit you blindly.
Now I am in my hermit crab phase during this highly anxious storm currently blaring out my window. Dear old Sandy has been the talk of the town. I first heard of the hurricane Friday and we had to send out a letter to all the parents at school just telling them there was a hurricane on the forecast. Little did I know what we were getting ourselves into. By Sunday, there was a dim fragrance of panic in the air. Grocery stores swamped, bare shelves, packed lines and yet the calmest dark clouds resting peacefully above. Schools are closed, the subway is shut down (which basically means NYC is shut down), evacuations continue and we are left waiting. This morning was the first sight of rain while the wind has been rustling for hours. Currently we have power although we have been told we most likely will lose it. Kevin and I are stalked up on food (maybe went a little overboard but whatever) and at least I will be stranded with my best friend should worse come to worse. I am trying to find the positive side- trying to see that this is that down time I have been searching for. There is no work to be done, no timeline, no deadline, no commute, no hussle- there just is life. I am, however, a little nervous about being in a hurricane and the selfish fact that I have a flight home Wednesday and all flights are currently grounded. But rather than stress I just need to sit in the moment, sip my coffee, listen to the roar outside and be thankful I am indoors, warm and not alone. The rest will simply just be.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Seasons Of Love
I had the most magical feeling of fall this morning. Somewhere along my walk to the train, the 5:31am Brooklyn bound N train that is, I felt a change in the air. Starbucks grande americano in hand, I waited on the still, moonlit platform and took it all in. Three weeks into my new job and I still obsessed. Obsessed with the absolute chaos, the monstrous amount of post its that define my day, the hours beyond hours that add up to nearly 80 in a week (didn't think that was possible huh?) and the joyous feeling I get every day when I come to school.
Back track- I am seriously working harder than ever. Rather than counting down until the day is over I look at the clock and gasp knowing I only have X amount of time left before the sun goes down and X amount of work to do. The balance is finding itself- the 6:30am - 11:30pm shifts are tucked away for the season and my typical 6:30-6:00pm is refreshing. I am finding ways to max out the entire 24 hours of one day and somehow still manage. But no matter how many hours I work, I am still so unbelievably happy and so thankful for finally getting my time, my opportunity to shine.
It helps that I've made great friends at school (should I be calling it work...)? After spending every waking hour together, we all bonded quickly and formed the types of friendships that typically take months to form. Day in and day out I am surrounded by amazing, inspiring individuals who come from all over with ambitious goals and life views just like my own. It reminds me of camp- an entire group of people who want to be there for the same reasons as you. People don't dread coming to work, people don't hate what we stand for. It is a complete 180 from the bank and finally I feel like I'm where I belong.
These wonderful endless hours have left little to no personal time but it's okay- it's just a phase. I am, however, getting all my personal reading done on the trains (woohoo for book club!) and with a wonderful school calendar I am looking at future plans for February break, spring break, May break... the list goes on. What a wonderful pay off for all the hard work.
We are indulging in our first vacation since getting new jobs and I suppose last vacation of the summer. My dearest freshmen year roommate Erika is tying the knot on Saturday in Boulder! Kevin and I fly out Friday and I cannot wait. Not only do we get to witness Erika and Brad celebrate their vow of love but I get to show off the land of Boulder to Mr. Anglin! I can't wait to see all the besties and reveal the treasured land that holds such a firm spot in my heart. Brunch at The Buff, sunset at Flagstaff, tours of Theta, exploring campus, strolling Pearl and devouring a cup at Boulder Chill are just a few of the stopping points. What more could I ask for than four days to soak up all its glory and share it with my better half?
I believe that wonderful feeling this morning, that slight twinkle that began the turn of fall, is just the beginning. The beginning of a season, the beginning of magical color schemes and the beginning of living in a New York postcard. I think I'll be spending my weekends in the park, curled up on a blanket while the rustic leaves blend yellows and oranges into a simple, heartwarming masterpiece.
Back track- I am seriously working harder than ever. Rather than counting down until the day is over I look at the clock and gasp knowing I only have X amount of time left before the sun goes down and X amount of work to do. The balance is finding itself- the 6:30am - 11:30pm shifts are tucked away for the season and my typical 6:30-6:00pm is refreshing. I am finding ways to max out the entire 24 hours of one day and somehow still manage. But no matter how many hours I work, I am still so unbelievably happy and so thankful for finally getting my time, my opportunity to shine.
It helps that I've made great friends at school (should I be calling it work...)? After spending every waking hour together, we all bonded quickly and formed the types of friendships that typically take months to form. Day in and day out I am surrounded by amazing, inspiring individuals who come from all over with ambitious goals and life views just like my own. It reminds me of camp- an entire group of people who want to be there for the same reasons as you. People don't dread coming to work, people don't hate what we stand for. It is a complete 180 from the bank and finally I feel like I'm where I belong.
These wonderful endless hours have left little to no personal time but it's okay- it's just a phase. I am, however, getting all my personal reading done on the trains (woohoo for book club!) and with a wonderful school calendar I am looking at future plans for February break, spring break, May break... the list goes on. What a wonderful pay off for all the hard work.
We are indulging in our first vacation since getting new jobs and I suppose last vacation of the summer. My dearest freshmen year roommate Erika is tying the knot on Saturday in Boulder! Kevin and I fly out Friday and I cannot wait. Not only do we get to witness Erika and Brad celebrate their vow of love but I get to show off the land of Boulder to Mr. Anglin! I can't wait to see all the besties and reveal the treasured land that holds such a firm spot in my heart. Brunch at The Buff, sunset at Flagstaff, tours of Theta, exploring campus, strolling Pearl and devouring a cup at Boulder Chill are just a few of the stopping points. What more could I ask for than four days to soak up all its glory and share it with my better half?
I believe that wonderful feeling this morning, that slight twinkle that began the turn of fall, is just the beginning. The beginning of a season, the beginning of magical color schemes and the beginning of living in a New York postcard. I think I'll be spending my weekends in the park, curled up on a blanket while the rustic leaves blend yellows and oranges into a simple, heartwarming masterpiece.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The Journey To Job Happiness
Of course, looking back now, everything seems doable. All of life's worries, the nights filled with empty tears and desperate worries all seem sort of silly. But I suppose you have to go down in that dark place to get back up high and really appreciate the view. I honestly am thankful for every tough day, every quiet hour and restless night of sleep. It all paid off in the end.
Let me jump right into the most fabulous news I could ever give... I GOT A NEW JOB!!!! It still doesn't feel real. It didn't feel real getting the offer, giving my 2 weeks, signing my contract- it just seemed like an out of body experience. I suppose it won't seem real until I take the E to the J and land in Brooklyn bright and early on the morning of August 13 at my new East New York Middle School. Before the sun will rise, I will be up brewing the necessary caffeine, and heading into an unknown part of the city. Tacking on an additional 30 minutes to my old commute, I am honestly thrilled for the extra mileage. I will search for new music and yikes I might actually get into e-books (thoughts...??). Give me miles and miles of extra travel time because when I get there I will enter into a job I actually want to be at. Now I'm not entering this new job naively. I know that deep down maybe everyone hates working or there will be days I will storm home and sigh but one of my new year resolutions was to be happy at work 1 day out of 5. Ladies and Gents, I am 110% positive I will be happy at work at least 4 times out of 5. I won't say 5 out of 5 and jinx anything but I am already ecstatic just knowing a real opportunity is here. Finally I am doing something I care about, have a passion for. Finally I won't be embarrassed to reveal my employer or tell people what I do. Finally I am using my degree and finally I am getting the opportunity I know I deserve.
In other positive news, Kevin got a job too! So long debt and hello actually have money. We are finally decorating our apartment and making it our own. Building a home and yes it's bug free, AC breezing and totally cute. We are finally able to do some of the activities not listed in the "free NYC" handbooks and are able to make bucket lists and wish lists. Of course, I am so thankful for our months of cheap living. We couldn't have made it without those special friends who either offered up their Vermont home and car, paid for lavish meals or treated us to afternoon snacks. I learned quickly that our friends weren't doing this out of pity but rather out of love and now we are able to help our friends if they ever enter that 'I-have-no-money-NYC-is-swallowing-me-whole' phase. And for the record, we are still savvy with our spending and would rather walk the length of the island than blow away our hard earnings.
With the job search completed, Kevin finally being able to pursue his comedy career and Emily's season of the Bachelorette concluding, I realized this has left me with a lot of spare time. I really can only stay idle for so long before I bust so I have been thinking of new hobbies. Taylor has been graciously virtually training me via ShredFit and really that has been my hobby. But let's get real- I need something else because I am no ultra marathon woman or shredding machine like him. In this fabulous day and age of pinterest, I think I'm gonna look into DIY crafts and maybe some fun recipes. I should be reading more and I still want to find a book club- I just have realized that now with us both happily employed we can really start living here. But I guess if my only current problem is searching for a new hobby, I can sort of try anything and see where I end up. Wherever it may be, it really is the journey that makes it all worth the destination.
Let me jump right into the most fabulous news I could ever give... I GOT A NEW JOB!!!! It still doesn't feel real. It didn't feel real getting the offer, giving my 2 weeks, signing my contract- it just seemed like an out of body experience. I suppose it won't seem real until I take the E to the J and land in Brooklyn bright and early on the morning of August 13 at my new East New York Middle School. Before the sun will rise, I will be up brewing the necessary caffeine, and heading into an unknown part of the city. Tacking on an additional 30 minutes to my old commute, I am honestly thrilled for the extra mileage. I will search for new music and yikes I might actually get into e-books (thoughts...??). Give me miles and miles of extra travel time because when I get there I will enter into a job I actually want to be at. Now I'm not entering this new job naively. I know that deep down maybe everyone hates working or there will be days I will storm home and sigh but one of my new year resolutions was to be happy at work 1 day out of 5. Ladies and Gents, I am 110% positive I will be happy at work at least 4 times out of 5. I won't say 5 out of 5 and jinx anything but I am already ecstatic just knowing a real opportunity is here. Finally I am doing something I care about, have a passion for. Finally I won't be embarrassed to reveal my employer or tell people what I do. Finally I am using my degree and finally I am getting the opportunity I know I deserve.
In other positive news, Kevin got a job too! So long debt and hello actually have money. We are finally decorating our apartment and making it our own. Building a home and yes it's bug free, AC breezing and totally cute. We are finally able to do some of the activities not listed in the "free NYC" handbooks and are able to make bucket lists and wish lists. Of course, I am so thankful for our months of cheap living. We couldn't have made it without those special friends who either offered up their Vermont home and car, paid for lavish meals or treated us to afternoon snacks. I learned quickly that our friends weren't doing this out of pity but rather out of love and now we are able to help our friends if they ever enter that 'I-have-no-money-NYC-is-swallowing-me-whole' phase. And for the record, we are still savvy with our spending and would rather walk the length of the island than blow away our hard earnings.
With the job search completed, Kevin finally being able to pursue his comedy career and Emily's season of the Bachelorette concluding, I realized this has left me with a lot of spare time. I really can only stay idle for so long before I bust so I have been thinking of new hobbies. Taylor has been graciously virtually training me via ShredFit and really that has been my hobby. But let's get real- I need something else because I am no ultra marathon woman or shredding machine like him. In this fabulous day and age of pinterest, I think I'm gonna look into DIY crafts and maybe some fun recipes. I should be reading more and I still want to find a book club- I just have realized that now with us both happily employed we can really start living here. But I guess if my only current problem is searching for a new hobby, I can sort of try anything and see where I end up. Wherever it may be, it really is the journey that makes it all worth the destination.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
What Goes Down Must Come Up
I think I've tried to avoid this post. In my mind, I like to update this lovely blog often and reflect on the highlights of this so called magical life I'm living. But what happens when everything is oh not so great and I feel so downhearted that the last thing I want to do is publicly displaying my current failure mindset. Well, this time I became a little hermit crab and rather than seeing the bright side of things I felt suffocated and distraught. Just when I thought the universe was unfolding, everything fell apart and my life was left in shambles. Dramatic explanation, yes I know, but I shall explain.
You all know I have desperately been searching for a new job opportunity- something that challenges me, is actually rewarding and builds my character. I often want to jump and skip steps to get to this next opportunity but for the first time I am steady in my job and awaiting the right gate to open and for that section of the universe to unfold. In other words, the chaos in my life is so extreme I don't even notice my horrible job. Shall I get to the chaos?
I. The Extermination
A. After a wonderful Memorial Day weekend in Boston, visiting our closest friends and old stomping grounds, we returned to the concrete jungle late Monday night. To our dismay, our beautiful, cozy little apartment was suddenly infested and covered in bugs. Bugs ranging in sizes and shapes, diseases and track records and in the matter of moments our room was deemed inhabitable. Our current apartment is covered in plastic where our clothes and personal belongings are unattainable. Tomorrow is the lucky day where it gets sprayed and then another 3 weeks must pass before we dare set up our apartment and attempt to make it a home. Makes you just love NYC. (Also I tell you this in confidence so don't treat me like a leper).
1. On top of this extermination mess, we got into a legal battle with our landlord and I must say, thanks to the New York Housing Act, we are guaranteed to a "bug free" apartment and the little Elle Woods in me found this important information and saved us $500. Take that!
II. Precious Computer
A. After just a year and 4 months of using my new, post college, big girl laptop, it cracked and shattered last week! The screen looks like the inside of a flashlight or dark hole swallowing the only patience left in me. I went to work and it was fine. I returned and it was dead.
1. Flip side- we have hooked the laptop up to the TV screen and therefore all computer activities are done sitting close up with a scrunched back and squinting eyes. Wonderful seeing as I don't have vision insurance.
III. Kevin
A. His phone broke same day at the computer. Verizon was unbelievably unhelpful. Left us saying there was nothing they could do except for Kevin to buy a new $400 phone. Right... Can you hear me now when I say that's ridiculous.
B. Sadly he also is still without a job but he continues to blog (www.kevinanglin.com). And that is about the only thing keeping him sane. In the past, I benefited from his "stay at home dad" ways because I'd come home, dinner was cooked, apartment semi-clean and the night was easy. Seeing as we can't really afford our groceries now, I come home to the poor lad disheveled, hungry and eager to talk to a real human being.
IV. Summer Heat
A. 90* in NYC means death. Plain and simple. 5th floor walk up also means no matter what you are angry when you walk in the doors and you can't cook and you just sit in front of the AC. NOT cool. (Pun intended...)
I'm done complaining.
Never in my life have I felt like there was no out. Like the glass was actually half empty and like there was no turning around. All the negatives took over- the questions left me tossing and turning each night and wondering how on Earth are we gonna make it? How are we going to make rent? How are we going to get rid of these bugs? What else could possibly go wrong?
Of course, I like to think we hit rock bottom. Everything is wrong, everything sucks. But now that I've had some time to reflect and rant in this horribly paced blog, I have realized the following:
1. Things, one day, are going to get worse (as in this is probably not the actual 'rock bottom') and I'll look back at this time in my life and know that if I can get through this I can get through anything
2. I am extremely lucky to have Kevin through all of this. Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, he is one strong kid. As I just burst into tears because life is hard, Kevin finds a quiet way to carry on. Even in this mess, he is going after his comedy career and dream. And hell if he can keep the dream alive during this catastrophe then really he has what it takes to make it big (I, however, am I wimp).
3. Misery loves company. I have got to say a big thanks to my friends and peers who have secretly shared their horrible weeks and life experiences with me. Knowing I am not alone has meant more than it should.
4. My parents, no matter what, still believe in me. Endless emails, phone calls and letters have reminded me that they know we can do this. And they aren't trying to bail us out with financial support. It's the emotional support that has brought me back to the positive side of life. And that my friends has no fiscal value.
5. The only way from down here is up. I will find the beauty in the little things, the inspiration in the small moments and the opportunity in every challenge. It's a long road ahead and the speed bumps and pot holes and ditches are unforeseen and misleading but somehow this journey, in the end, will all be worth it.
You all know I have desperately been searching for a new job opportunity- something that challenges me, is actually rewarding and builds my character. I often want to jump and skip steps to get to this next opportunity but for the first time I am steady in my job and awaiting the right gate to open and for that section of the universe to unfold. In other words, the chaos in my life is so extreme I don't even notice my horrible job. Shall I get to the chaos?
I. The Extermination
A. After a wonderful Memorial Day weekend in Boston, visiting our closest friends and old stomping grounds, we returned to the concrete jungle late Monday night. To our dismay, our beautiful, cozy little apartment was suddenly infested and covered in bugs. Bugs ranging in sizes and shapes, diseases and track records and in the matter of moments our room was deemed inhabitable. Our current apartment is covered in plastic where our clothes and personal belongings are unattainable. Tomorrow is the lucky day where it gets sprayed and then another 3 weeks must pass before we dare set up our apartment and attempt to make it a home. Makes you just love NYC. (Also I tell you this in confidence so don't treat me like a leper).
1. On top of this extermination mess, we got into a legal battle with our landlord and I must say, thanks to the New York Housing Act, we are guaranteed to a "bug free" apartment and the little Elle Woods in me found this important information and saved us $500. Take that!
II. Precious Computer
A. After just a year and 4 months of using my new, post college, big girl laptop, it cracked and shattered last week! The screen looks like the inside of a flashlight or dark hole swallowing the only patience left in me. I went to work and it was fine. I returned and it was dead.
1. Flip side- we have hooked the laptop up to the TV screen and therefore all computer activities are done sitting close up with a scrunched back and squinting eyes. Wonderful seeing as I don't have vision insurance.
III. Kevin
A. His phone broke same day at the computer. Verizon was unbelievably unhelpful. Left us saying there was nothing they could do except for Kevin to buy a new $400 phone. Right... Can you hear me now when I say that's ridiculous.
B. Sadly he also is still without a job but he continues to blog (www.kevinanglin.com). And that is about the only thing keeping him sane. In the past, I benefited from his "stay at home dad" ways because I'd come home, dinner was cooked, apartment semi-clean and the night was easy. Seeing as we can't really afford our groceries now, I come home to the poor lad disheveled, hungry and eager to talk to a real human being.
IV. Summer Heat
A. 90* in NYC means death. Plain and simple. 5th floor walk up also means no matter what you are angry when you walk in the doors and you can't cook and you just sit in front of the AC. NOT cool. (Pun intended...)
I'm done complaining.
Never in my life have I felt like there was no out. Like the glass was actually half empty and like there was no turning around. All the negatives took over- the questions left me tossing and turning each night and wondering how on Earth are we gonna make it? How are we going to make rent? How are we going to get rid of these bugs? What else could possibly go wrong?
Of course, I like to think we hit rock bottom. Everything is wrong, everything sucks. But now that I've had some time to reflect and rant in this horribly paced blog, I have realized the following:
1. Things, one day, are going to get worse (as in this is probably not the actual 'rock bottom') and I'll look back at this time in my life and know that if I can get through this I can get through anything
2. I am extremely lucky to have Kevin through all of this. Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, he is one strong kid. As I just burst into tears because life is hard, Kevin finds a quiet way to carry on. Even in this mess, he is going after his comedy career and dream. And hell if he can keep the dream alive during this catastrophe then really he has what it takes to make it big (I, however, am I wimp).
3. Misery loves company. I have got to say a big thanks to my friends and peers who have secretly shared their horrible weeks and life experiences with me. Knowing I am not alone has meant more than it should.
4. My parents, no matter what, still believe in me. Endless emails, phone calls and letters have reminded me that they know we can do this. And they aren't trying to bail us out with financial support. It's the emotional support that has brought me back to the positive side of life. And that my friends has no fiscal value.
5. The only way from down here is up. I will find the beauty in the little things, the inspiration in the small moments and the opportunity in every challenge. It's a long road ahead and the speed bumps and pot holes and ditches are unforeseen and misleading but somehow this journey, in the end, will all be worth it.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Looks Like We Made It
"New York City, uh huh, Center of the universe, sing it girl"
I suppose RENT lyrics will never get old...
It's been almost a month since NYC became home and I must say I have nothing but a good report. Strangely enough, NYC feels more like home than Boston did (gasp!). I don't know if it was the time in my life (post college blues) or what but I felt very homesick in Boston and often longed for something more. Please don't let that downsize the wonderful experience I had there or the magical people I met and I actually think we will live there again one day. However, something about this moment in my life, this chapter, this small fraction feels rather comfy in the rotten core of the Big Apple.
I'd like to say all degrees of life are in the positive but no need to lie- there is a big part of me that is dying a miserable death. I want it clearly stated that I never wanted the whole "I hate my job" aspect to be something people associated with me. Sadly I think it is but on the bright side I am taking the appropriate steps to get out of that negative spiral and anxiously looking forward to the arrival of something new.
Let's get back to the positive. I love our apartment! Hardwood floors, wondrous views, door to door is 20 minutes to work, the neighborhood is booming with delicious food and the most diverse environment I've ever seen. Just blocks from the gym and seconds from the train, it has everything one could ask for. Starbucks is closer than my wallet can handle and fellow friends and a glorious big park are simply found in a New York minute. I've started figuring out the subway system and (hope I don't jinx myself) but I haven't gotten lost once! It may be this big, mean, mysterious city but I really think I'm tough enough to handle it.
In other news, my parents arrive Friday and excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving which is officially the longest I've ever gone NOT seeing family. A big no no. I know my dad is going to constantly question how on Earth I could live here but I like to remind him this roadrunner, adventurous, determined personality of mine is simply a spin off of his. At my age, he was chasing the American highways on his motorcycle and following unknown dreams of intense soul searching. His highways are my subways and the soul searching is just beginning.
I suppose without question the best part of this move has been accomplishing something I've aspired to do since high school. Let me say that nearly everyone thought we were crazy to move here. I've heard every excuse in the book- we don't have enough money, NYC will eat me alive, it's not safe--- it goes on. First I thank everyone who knew we could do it but also I thank everyone who said we couldn't. Those doubtful messages inspired me more than it should have but we did it. I've wanted to live in New York City for... ever. I've wanted that rush, that overwhelming feel, the loneliness on the subway, the comfort of the city noise and the peacefulness at dawn. It's crazy to have made it here. The intense saving, the hours of desperately questioning my sanity- now I can say it was all worth it. And it was.
I guess I need to stir up a new dream so I can start chasing that one tomorrow.
(View of the Upper East Side/ Harlem from Astoria Park)
I suppose RENT lyrics will never get old...
It's been almost a month since NYC became home and I must say I have nothing but a good report. Strangely enough, NYC feels more like home than Boston did (gasp!). I don't know if it was the time in my life (post college blues) or what but I felt very homesick in Boston and often longed for something more. Please don't let that downsize the wonderful experience I had there or the magical people I met and I actually think we will live there again one day. However, something about this moment in my life, this chapter, this small fraction feels rather comfy in the rotten core of the Big Apple.
I'd like to say all degrees of life are in the positive but no need to lie- there is a big part of me that is dying a miserable death. I want it clearly stated that I never wanted the whole "I hate my job" aspect to be something people associated with me. Sadly I think it is but on the bright side I am taking the appropriate steps to get out of that negative spiral and anxiously looking forward to the arrival of something new.
Let's get back to the positive. I love our apartment! Hardwood floors, wondrous views, door to door is 20 minutes to work, the neighborhood is booming with delicious food and the most diverse environment I've ever seen. Just blocks from the gym and seconds from the train, it has everything one could ask for. Starbucks is closer than my wallet can handle and fellow friends and a glorious big park are simply found in a New York minute. I've started figuring out the subway system and (hope I don't jinx myself) but I haven't gotten lost once! It may be this big, mean, mysterious city but I really think I'm tough enough to handle it.
In other news, my parents arrive Friday and excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving which is officially the longest I've ever gone NOT seeing family. A big no no. I know my dad is going to constantly question how on Earth I could live here but I like to remind him this roadrunner, adventurous, determined personality of mine is simply a spin off of his. At my age, he was chasing the American highways on his motorcycle and following unknown dreams of intense soul searching. His highways are my subways and the soul searching is just beginning.
I suppose without question the best part of this move has been accomplishing something I've aspired to do since high school. Let me say that nearly everyone thought we were crazy to move here. I've heard every excuse in the book- we don't have enough money, NYC will eat me alive, it's not safe--- it goes on. First I thank everyone who knew we could do it but also I thank everyone who said we couldn't. Those doubtful messages inspired me more than it should have but we did it. I've wanted to live in New York City for... ever. I've wanted that rush, that overwhelming feel, the loneliness on the subway, the comfort of the city noise and the peacefulness at dawn. It's crazy to have made it here. The intense saving, the hours of desperately questioning my sanity- now I can say it was all worth it. And it was.
I guess I need to stir up a new dream so I can start chasing that one tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Shipping Out Of Boston
Saying goodbye is never easy. It's not one of those things that gets better every time you do it. Practice doesn't make perfect. Here I am again saying goodbye to another chapter of life. Of course, I am thrilled for the new adventure but my time in Boston deserve its own reminiscent post.
Boston has taught me more about myself than I planned. I fell in love with a city I really knew nothing about. For the first time in my life, I follow major sports. I leave Boston as a real Patriots fan (sorry dad) and I'll always root for the Red Sox. I know the T, the secret passages downtown and the best places for weekend brunch. For something that was so foreign is now such a habit.
I've learned to breathe. Simple yes but Boston will represent those first years out of college becoming independent, missing home, missing college and yet striving for a bright future. I'll think of weekend trips, walking through the Common, Sunday dinners at Kevin's parents and weekend shows at The Cantab. Luscious springs, bitter winters, leave crunching falls and a short but sweet summer, Boston showed me the ins and outs of a real season.
As much as I have loved the scenery and the vivid environment, it's the people I will truly miss the most. I started at the bank pretty lonely- I really didn't have any friends besides Joanna and Kevin. As work became just another part of life, the boundary walls fell and friendships blossomed. Thursday night became Girl's Night, Tuesday morning was gossiping about last night's Bachelor episode and the weekends were ours to shop, get nails done or simply play at Southie beach. No matter what it was these girls became the type of friends I made in college. The type of friends I had been missing and truly needed. I know we won't end our friendship just by being a few train stops away. With babies being born, potential weddings and life's mysterious adventures, our hang outs are just further spaced a part.
And then there's my roommates. Yes Mr. Kevin heads to NYC with me (after all this is his dream we are chasing!) but behind we leave Mr. Peter and Mr. Mike. Living with 3 boys was at first an insane idea. Would it be dirty? Would I survive? I barely knew these boys but they opened their man cave and let an ex-sorority girl move in and change it up. In the end, they definitely benefited from my extreme cleaning, dessert making and weekly supply of gossip magazines. In return, I learned to relax, listen to old school records and even watch very boy-ish movies. I will miss our kitchen banter and weekend breakfast, coffee breaks and endless hours of Liam Neeson and Taken, Country Strong and discussing everything from politics to Hollywood. As much as I am looking forward to just living with Kev, I will miss the little family we became and await their first visit to the big city.
So off we go- actually currently in Astoria figuring out our apartment situation. Stressful doesn't even begin to describe it all but in the end, it will work out. It has to for there really is no other way.
(Below: Little Bird has come a long way from this day when we drove across county and into little beantown)
Boston has taught me more about myself than I planned. I fell in love with a city I really knew nothing about. For the first time in my life, I follow major sports. I leave Boston as a real Patriots fan (sorry dad) and I'll always root for the Red Sox. I know the T, the secret passages downtown and the best places for weekend brunch. For something that was so foreign is now such a habit.
I've learned to breathe. Simple yes but Boston will represent those first years out of college becoming independent, missing home, missing college and yet striving for a bright future. I'll think of weekend trips, walking through the Common, Sunday dinners at Kevin's parents and weekend shows at The Cantab. Luscious springs, bitter winters, leave crunching falls and a short but sweet summer, Boston showed me the ins and outs of a real season.
As much as I have loved the scenery and the vivid environment, it's the people I will truly miss the most. I started at the bank pretty lonely- I really didn't have any friends besides Joanna and Kevin. As work became just another part of life, the boundary walls fell and friendships blossomed. Thursday night became Girl's Night, Tuesday morning was gossiping about last night's Bachelor episode and the weekends were ours to shop, get nails done or simply play at Southie beach. No matter what it was these girls became the type of friends I made in college. The type of friends I had been missing and truly needed. I know we won't end our friendship just by being a few train stops away. With babies being born, potential weddings and life's mysterious adventures, our hang outs are just further spaced a part.
And then there's my roommates. Yes Mr. Kevin heads to NYC with me (after all this is his dream we are chasing!) but behind we leave Mr. Peter and Mr. Mike. Living with 3 boys was at first an insane idea. Would it be dirty? Would I survive? I barely knew these boys but they opened their man cave and let an ex-sorority girl move in and change it up. In the end, they definitely benefited from my extreme cleaning, dessert making and weekly supply of gossip magazines. In return, I learned to relax, listen to old school records and even watch very boy-ish movies. I will miss our kitchen banter and weekend breakfast, coffee breaks and endless hours of Liam Neeson and Taken, Country Strong and discussing everything from politics to Hollywood. As much as I am looking forward to just living with Kev, I will miss the little family we became and await their first visit to the big city.
So off we go- actually currently in Astoria figuring out our apartment situation. Stressful doesn't even begin to describe it all but in the end, it will work out. It has to for there really is no other way.
(Below: Little Bird has come a long way from this day when we drove across county and into little beantown)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Deep In The Heart
There is some part of me, that for some unknown reason, is a deep at heart southern girl. I've got the stereotypical things- cowboy boots, country music, the occasional "y'all", porch swings and margaritas on a summer night. But in a deeper layer, we find general hospitality, family love and the longing for the gentle slow pace of life.
Recently, I was fortunate enough to spend a long weekend deep in the heart of Texas with my ever so magical Noni & Papa. Kevin and I ventured to the little town of Boerne (driving a hilariously small Fiat) and spent 3 days Wii bowling, eating copious amounts of home cooking, met a mule wrangler who sold us fabulous boots, puzzled ourselves over Jeopardy and spend hours listening to the sweet tales of my grandparents. It's probably my favorite part of visiting 400 Tapatio drive- the house is filled with love, filled with history of a couple who still flirts together at 92 and cherishes each and every day.
The family love continued to spread as aunt and uncles stopped by for meals and chats. Even though it had been quite some time since our last visit, it seems our family just picks up and continues right where we left off. Stories of growing up, past visits and future wishes left me feeling full of gratitude and so beyond thankful for this life. I am reminded to live each day to the fullest and yet take it one day at a time. Of course, this is something I continue to work on daily especially as the big move approaches. But it's a sweet, blissful feeling to know that when the world gets too loud and the city gets too fast, Boerne, Texas will open its arms and slow the time and rekindle my heart.
Recently, I was fortunate enough to spend a long weekend deep in the heart of Texas with my ever so magical Noni & Papa. Kevin and I ventured to the little town of Boerne (driving a hilariously small Fiat) and spent 3 days Wii bowling, eating copious amounts of home cooking, met a mule wrangler who sold us fabulous boots, puzzled ourselves over Jeopardy and spend hours listening to the sweet tales of my grandparents. It's probably my favorite part of visiting 400 Tapatio drive- the house is filled with love, filled with history of a couple who still flirts together at 92 and cherishes each and every day.
The family love continued to spread as aunt and uncles stopped by for meals and chats. Even though it had been quite some time since our last visit, it seems our family just picks up and continues right where we left off. Stories of growing up, past visits and future wishes left me feeling full of gratitude and so beyond thankful for this life. I am reminded to live each day to the fullest and yet take it one day at a time. Of course, this is something I continue to work on daily especially as the big move approaches. But it's a sweet, blissful feeling to know that when the world gets too loud and the city gets too fast, Boerne, Texas will open its arms and slow the time and rekindle my heart.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I. And. Love. And. You
As seen from previous years, I am a big fan of Valentine's Day. In fact, it's my 2nd favorite holiday (Christmas still takes the cake on that). Why do I love such a day? As you role your eyes and feel a bitter distaste, please know it has nothing to do with having a Valentine. In short, my top 3 favorite reasons for this fabulous day are...
1) 20 years ago, I was in Bakersfield, CA, curled up on the couch, in Little Mermaid pajamas, watching Fantasia. Not even 4 years old, I was anxious and eager for a phone call that would change my life. Late in the evening, as roses bloomed and chocolates were devoured, a beautiful, brown eyed boy entered this world. King George, commonly know as Silas Nathaniel, graced us with his presence and I became a big sister. Since that day, every February 14th marked another year I was blessed to have such a character in my life. Tomahawks, Power Rangers, Star Wars and Guitars- the boy's interests ranged in topic but always cared for with extreme desire. Today, the King resides in the land of Ducks where every day I am more proud to be his sister. At the caboose of a big family, expectations run deep while responsibility lies thin. Torn between a rebellious teen and wise man, George has taken his college opportunity far beyond I ever could. I still remember that night he was born- so plump and frail and yet filled with endless potential.
2) Slight change of tone... but I am a sap for Valentine's memorabilia. In my room, I have candy boutiques, cards and letters just waiting to be delivered. It's like Christmas where I can't wait to sneak out and decorate the house so when everyone wakes up they are blessed with reds and pinks and simple shaped hearts. I even made homemade peanut butter cups (thanks Pinterest!) and decorated them with red sparkles. How can you not love the glorious ensemble of red, pink and white? And don't even get me started on the wonder of Conversation hearts...
3. Love. Hopeless Romantic. Yes, that is me. I grew up watching and daydreaming about the greatest love stories. Ranging from Father of the Bride, Serendipity, When Harry Met Sally, Beauty and the Beast and Love Actually to name a few, I have always known love comes in different shapes, sizes, colors and times. It's indescribable and the most comforting, blissful feeling in the world. I believe you should fall in love with as many things as you can (Gwyneth in Country Strong also agrees). I am in love with the seasons, the stars, the cool air and the warm, Friday nights and Sunday mornings, brunch and early supper, cuddling and swooning, independence and book stores, ice cream and eggplant, kisses and flowers. I am in love with my family and friends, the new and the old, the unforeseen and forgotten. I am madly, deeply in love with a boy who gives me full blown butterflies and wholehearted kisses. In the chaos of it all, I am in love with life. And so here's to a day to celebrate it all. A love for whatever you feel- whether it's a person, place or thing, and a day to embrace a feeling we are so unique to have.
1) 20 years ago, I was in Bakersfield, CA, curled up on the couch, in Little Mermaid pajamas, watching Fantasia. Not even 4 years old, I was anxious and eager for a phone call that would change my life. Late in the evening, as roses bloomed and chocolates were devoured, a beautiful, brown eyed boy entered this world. King George, commonly know as Silas Nathaniel, graced us with his presence and I became a big sister. Since that day, every February 14th marked another year I was blessed to have such a character in my life. Tomahawks, Power Rangers, Star Wars and Guitars- the boy's interests ranged in topic but always cared for with extreme desire. Today, the King resides in the land of Ducks where every day I am more proud to be his sister. At the caboose of a big family, expectations run deep while responsibility lies thin. Torn between a rebellious teen and wise man, George has taken his college opportunity far beyond I ever could. I still remember that night he was born- so plump and frail and yet filled with endless potential.
2) Slight change of tone... but I am a sap for Valentine's memorabilia. In my room, I have candy boutiques, cards and letters just waiting to be delivered. It's like Christmas where I can't wait to sneak out and decorate the house so when everyone wakes up they are blessed with reds and pinks and simple shaped hearts. I even made homemade peanut butter cups (thanks Pinterest!) and decorated them with red sparkles. How can you not love the glorious ensemble of red, pink and white? And don't even get me started on the wonder of Conversation hearts...
3. Love. Hopeless Romantic. Yes, that is me. I grew up watching and daydreaming about the greatest love stories. Ranging from Father of the Bride, Serendipity, When Harry Met Sally, Beauty and the Beast and Love Actually to name a few, I have always known love comes in different shapes, sizes, colors and times. It's indescribable and the most comforting, blissful feeling in the world. I believe you should fall in love with as many things as you can (Gwyneth in Country Strong also agrees). I am in love with the seasons, the stars, the cool air and the warm, Friday nights and Sunday mornings, brunch and early supper, cuddling and swooning, independence and book stores, ice cream and eggplant, kisses and flowers. I am in love with my family and friends, the new and the old, the unforeseen and forgotten. I am madly, deeply in love with a boy who gives me full blown butterflies and wholehearted kisses. In the chaos of it all, I am in love with life. And so here's to a day to celebrate it all. A love for whatever you feel- whether it's a person, place or thing, and a day to embrace a feeling we are so unique to have.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Break The Window So You Can Breathe
A month in and I can honestly say there has been major progress since I last confessed. Minimal yet major. It's the little things that are beginning to add up.
In this moving process, I have been endlessly blessed with help and guidance from friends on all levels. What surprises me the most is that people are actually willing to assist me. Friends of friends of the 6th degree separation have reached out and volunteered their knowledge and their networks leaving me with a continue hope to make this real.
Imagine taking a nail and slightly taping it into a glass window. It doesn't completely shatter or break- it cracks and spiderwebs into an unclear image. After last week's endeavors, the upcoming future has shown a sneak peak. A little noise from the break and a big push from the possibility presented. Of course, it's all still in the making. The window is simply beginning to fall out. I can't see what's ahead but the tiny slits have leaked a breathe of fresh air.
And I must say I am looking forward to more cracks in the window.
In this moving process, I have been endlessly blessed with help and guidance from friends on all levels. What surprises me the most is that people are actually willing to assist me. Friends of friends of the 6th degree separation have reached out and volunteered their knowledge and their networks leaving me with a continue hope to make this real.
Imagine taking a nail and slightly taping it into a glass window. It doesn't completely shatter or break- it cracks and spiderwebs into an unclear image. After last week's endeavors, the upcoming future has shown a sneak peak. A little noise from the break and a big push from the possibility presented. Of course, it's all still in the making. The window is simply beginning to fall out. I can't see what's ahead but the tiny slits have leaked a breathe of fresh air.
And I must say I am looking forward to more cracks in the window.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Dream Big
Needless to say, with all the magical commotion my life has held, my thoughts have been scattered and endless for this past month. Between sister getting engaged, Christmas with boyfriend's family and New Years with the besties, 2012 arrived faster than I imagined and suddenly I feel everything is set up before my eyes. This will be a big year- I will successfully change jobs (hello new year resolution), we will move to New York City, I will visit my grandparents in Texas, travel home multiple times, turn 24 (which I am actually very excited for) and complete my 366 degree project with my best friend Jenna (curious? This is our blog and y'all can check it out! http://366degreesofyou.tumblr.com/ ). Oh and, of course, I'll leave room for the unpredictably predictable unknown cause we know it's coming.
As someone who loves being organized and creating lists, New Year Resolutions are my fav but I call them goals and I actually do them. They're realistic, they're silly yet simple and typically come in even numbers. My ten for 2012 include reading more (so many books and yet only one pair of eyes), staying happy & healthy, finding a job where I enjoy at least one out of the five days (yes my standards are that low due to my current situation), completing the previously mentioned 366 project and others involve saving and running and moving and going home more and sending snail mail. It's day 3 and I'm 10 for 10 if that's such a possibility.
I must say I go back and forth from being worried to excited to anxious to curious to lost to happy to some unknown abyss in my mind when I think about the next two months. There are many things I am not ready for. I'm not ready to leave my friends, the family that has so graciously accepted me as their own and the warm, tough Boston layer I've grown. I'm not ready to live in a big unknown city with an unknown job in a current unknown apartment. I suppose the only think I am ready for is the challenge. Embracing the fear and truly believing that it will all work out. And this time, when I pack it all up and start another chapter, I get my best friend/soul mate/boyfriend/other half to join me. So in the end- it can't be that bad... right?
On a final scattered note, I recently heard a quote and so I leave you with the peace it has brought me...
"If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough"
As someone who loves being organized and creating lists, New Year Resolutions are my fav but I call them goals and I actually do them. They're realistic, they're silly yet simple and typically come in even numbers. My ten for 2012 include reading more (so many books and yet only one pair of eyes), staying happy & healthy, finding a job where I enjoy at least one out of the five days (yes my standards are that low due to my current situation), completing the previously mentioned 366 project and others involve saving and running and moving and going home more and sending snail mail. It's day 3 and I'm 10 for 10 if that's such a possibility.
I must say I go back and forth from being worried to excited to anxious to curious to lost to happy to some unknown abyss in my mind when I think about the next two months. There are many things I am not ready for. I'm not ready to leave my friends, the family that has so graciously accepted me as their own and the warm, tough Boston layer I've grown. I'm not ready to live in a big unknown city with an unknown job in a current unknown apartment. I suppose the only think I am ready for is the challenge. Embracing the fear and truly believing that it will all work out. And this time, when I pack it all up and start another chapter, I get my best friend/soul mate/boyfriend/other half to join me. So in the end- it can't be that bad... right?
On a final scattered note, I recently heard a quote and so I leave you with the peace it has brought me...
"If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough"
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