Friday night, after basking in the sun and nannying, I picked the boys up and brought them into the Boulder bubble. With a standard trip the Walrus and a ride on the drunk bus, Taylor, Shaun and Kevin saw an insight to a typical night of debauchery. The bars closed before our adrenaline rush ceased so we returned home for dance parties; hours later we all fell asleep in my room, scattered across the floor in sleeping bags, as Serendipity reeled from the VHS player. When we woke up, the sun was beaming and the Rio rooftop and their strawberry margaritas were calling our name. The boys were shocked at our neighbors 'frattin' with their shirts off and throwing around the football. I guess somethings become so typical but to an outsider, Boulder was existing in its own reality.
We drove into Denver as the sun was setting on paradise. The rest of the bands Weekend is on tour with were recording and jamming when we got to the house. Suddenly I was out of my element. Coming from the familiar with sunshine and confidence, I was suddenly the odd man out. I felt like a poser in my Chuck Taylors, I couldn't help move any of the equipment because there were a thousand chords and being the only girl in a group of 15 rockstars, I was by far the weakest member and in no shape to haul around speakers. As time passed, the bands began to pump themselves up; they piled into the tour bus but Taylor and I drove separately to the venue. He clearly knew I was struggling and it didn't stop there. Entering the half art gallery half cement stage, I stood out worse than I thought. After sound checks and the opening band, I chickened out. I drove off and returned to the land of Boulder.
The more I thought about it I realized how much I idolize Taylor. Hours before he had entered Boulder not knowing what to expect. Driving cross country, in a tour bus, surrounded by the unknown and living off peanut butter sandwiches, he was ready for anything. He ventured to the Walrus and even though it scared him- he stayed. He soaked it all in and didn't run the other way. He poked fun at the social life but embraced it. Fast forward and we switch roles. I'm suddenly the scared one and what do I do... I run. I guess I've become so comfortable here- it's the familiar and the predictability provides comfort.
I have always seen Taylor as a role model. Whether it's his complete unique style, personality, or willingness to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, Taylor really lives life. He's not afraid to try anything and takes whatever comes his way.
To bring it full circle, I've started accepting that I will be leaving Boulder relatively soon. I will be breaking the comfort barrier and traveling into the unknown. I've said before to not be afraid and all I can do is try. I leave for my spring break in NYC this Friday and maybe this weekend with Taylor was just what I needed. I needed to see that my Boulder life won't last forever and it will take time but I will adjust to a new environment. Thankfully I have my big brother to guide me this way.
2 comments:
love. this. post.
this was so lovely and special to read. that brew beist of ours is one amazing lad indeed. but fear not dear sister, you are far braver than you've ever given yourself credit for. i love you so much!!!
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