It seems necessary to just spit out all my feelings and thoughts and hope that cohesion will naturally form.
Graduation: the ultimate dichotomy. There were tears and laughter, snow and sunshine, toasts and roasts, red wine and white and yet it now all lumps together into this final chapter. I wouldn't have gotten through it without my parents. Funny that here was some big entrance into the adult world and all I wanted was to hold my dad's hand.
Texas: Many of my friends left Boulder after graduation and since I'm awkward and hard with goodbyes, I sort of cheated and flew 1,000 miles south to San Antonio. I remember first learning the term "oasis" and rather than picturing the palm tree and watering hole in a blistering desert, I saw 400 Tapatio Drive West. Still today my oasis is a brown trimmed house with flocking deer in the open spaced backyard. I feel the air conditioning sending tingles down my spine when I enter the house (always through the garage)and are released from that Texas heat. My Noni and Papa are always sitting on the porch overlooking the golf course, a banana popsicle is waiting for me and the gin rummy tournament is about to start. Being in Texas, at my oasis, was just what I needed after the emotional and physical draining of finals and graduation. I needed the comfort food, the black and white movies, the porch talks, the scanning of old photos and being surrounded by complete unconditional love.
Summer: I forgot how fabulous Boulder summer is. Sitting on the porch steps reading the latest Jodi Picoult novel, lying out and tanning in minutes because being a mile closer to the sun really gets ya, playing frisbee in the street, all the neighbors congregating without planning and the afternoon BBQs that feed into warm, jacket-less nights. Everything is done without chaos and it seems there's not a worry in the world.
Reality: I am leaving Boulder on Saturday. I've been practicing sentences like this- the kind where it's the right thing to say but yet feels unnatural. I still get jumbled in my words- on a recent post-graduation/birthday shopping trip, the cashier asked me for my zip code and I responded with a lost puppy dog face, "uhhh umm" and finally said Boulder, 80302. But what happens after this weekend? I can't claim my zip code as Mountain Camp's, I don't know where in Brooklyn Joanna and I are moving and since I'm subleasing my room in Boulder I guess I give up that address too. Talk about feeling lost.
The Roadtrip: Surprise, surprise the roadrunner in me is not leaving Boulder without a fight. Jenna has so graciously offered to drive Franklin back to CA with me. With stops in Arches National Park, LA, Santa Barbara and Cal Poly, a trip that should take a day and a half is now taking me nearly a week. I think I am postponing the whole moving process by constantly being on the move. I will admit I'm stoked for the open road. Give me some Jackson Browne and Bruce Hornsby and I'll drive for days. However, the thought of getting on the road seems impossible. Part of me wants to escape in the middle of the night because I don't know if I can physically leave Boulder if the rear view mirror reveals sunshine and flashbacks to these fabulous 4 years. I might have to cheat again and roll up 36 before the sun can catch me.
Reality Part II: The goodbyes. I've been saying "see you soon" because goodbye is so permanent. However, I said my first real goodbye last night when I left Amber, the 8 year old I've been nannying this entire school year. Somewhere between packing lunches, creating art projects, listening to the recent 2nd grade drama and chatting with moms at the playground, Amber became a big part of my life. I was with her 4-5 days a week, we ate most our meals together, she met my friends and she became my companion. Leaving her behind just didn't seem right. Leaving all the people who have meant so much to me just doesn't seem right either.
So here we are. Reality is hitting and now that I've gotten comfortable with that fact I have to know it's okay to hurt. My parents nicely reminded me that it's okay to cry. I've been trying to be tough, trying to optimistic and trying to soak in each moment here without tears. But I've realized they are tears filled of happiness and gratitude. If leaving Boulder was easy, then my time here wouldn't be valued. These aching emotions are here for a reason. Leaving Boulder is hard because this bubble, this alter reality filled with friends, memories and no regrets, is forever a part of me. And thankfully that is something that no graduation, roadtrip or cross country move will change.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Inevitable
I feel very fortunate that the universe is unfolding, no doubt, as it should. Call me greedy or bratty but I feel like I have it all. I literally see happiness in every direction. So is it possible to mourn over something you haven't lost yet? I am constantly filled with joy yet these days my eyes are constantly filled with tears. This chapter of my life is about to conclude and there is no way to stop it.
What makes this so hard is that I realize everything. I know this is part of life, I know I can't stay in Boulder forever, I know that every year thousands of people graduate and take the next step, I know that my close friends and I will always be there for each other, I know that this summer will be phenomenal, I know that NYC holds an unimaginable bright future and I know that these 4 years in Boulder will never be taken away from me- they have made me who I am.
So that's what makes it unbearable. There is no cure, there are no words- it's just something that has to happen. And it will happen. It is happening.
I don't understand how it went so fast. Especially recently- it's like I can feel every hour passing. Days used to feel long, lectures used to feel endless and suddenly they are snapshots in time. It feels like I woke up one day and everything was different. I still think one day I will return to Jeffrey court, my parents, all my siblings and I will sleep under one roof, and life will be what is used to. And I think Boulder will always exist in my mind as it is right now. Where I know everyone and every inch of campus has a memory attached to it.
The idea of starting over aches. Clearly no one is getting replaced but rather being added to my great life. I know there are still so many more fabulous, enriching people to meet but I don't want to leave my friends here. I know there are more overly romantic, breath-taking moments with unknown boyfriends but I like the unnecessarily-complicated relationship I'm in.
So here's that battle- the bittersweet. Everything in my life is good at this exact moment and everything coming will be good too. But how do you make the transition?
What makes this so hard is that I realize everything. I know this is part of life, I know I can't stay in Boulder forever, I know that every year thousands of people graduate and take the next step, I know that my close friends and I will always be there for each other, I know that this summer will be phenomenal, I know that NYC holds an unimaginable bright future and I know that these 4 years in Boulder will never be taken away from me- they have made me who I am.
So that's what makes it unbearable. There is no cure, there are no words- it's just something that has to happen. And it will happen. It is happening.
I don't understand how it went so fast. Especially recently- it's like I can feel every hour passing. Days used to feel long, lectures used to feel endless and suddenly they are snapshots in time. It feels like I woke up one day and everything was different. I still think one day I will return to Jeffrey court, my parents, all my siblings and I will sleep under one roof, and life will be what is used to. And I think Boulder will always exist in my mind as it is right now. Where I know everyone and every inch of campus has a memory attached to it.
The idea of starting over aches. Clearly no one is getting replaced but rather being added to my great life. I know there are still so many more fabulous, enriching people to meet but I don't want to leave my friends here. I know there are more overly romantic, breath-taking moments with unknown boyfriends but I like the unnecessarily-complicated relationship I'm in.
So here's that battle- the bittersweet. Everything in my life is good at this exact moment and everything coming will be good too. But how do you make the transition?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
New York, New York The City's So Nice They Named It Twice
Spring break was, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, fabulous, just fabulous. From the east coast to the west, I enjoyed sunshine, coffee shops, good meals, good people and a reminder that my family, as it extends and the barriers are thin, is a group of people that are truly amazing.
Rather than painting a picture of the NYC sights that not only secured my dream to move there but enhanced my extreme fascination with the city, I think I'll highlight the moments that aren't found in your Lonely Planet travel books.
- Day 3 in Manhattan: Rain puddles yet enjoyable temperatures started my first day as a lone traveler. I'll admit I feared this day- the day where Hannah was gone and my expertise guide Jhani was at school. I had to put on my confident face and take on New York. (Lesson one: always bring your i-pod on the subway if traveling alone. As much of a norm as staring has become on public transportation, it's easier to secretly gaze when you have Passion Pit in your ears.) Mid afternoon, I arrived downtown, 48th street, and headed straight to Bryant Park. Much needed espresso and I was suddenly in deep conversation with my journal. When the wet seats soaked into my jeans, I headed up one block to the heavenly, magical New York Public Library. Before I entered the drop dead gorgeous monument, a stranger approached me. He talked fast (his first New Yorker trait) and was going on about directions to a near by shop. The confusion lay straight on my face- what was this man talking about? Finally he slowed down... "wait, do you not live here?" I smiled and told him “no, not yet” and then headed up the stairs, past the Lion statues and into the literary castle. Before I could catch my breath I realized I, a native Northern Californian who barely can spell the names of big cities, was mistaken as a New Yorker. The dream was one step closer.
- The Subway: In general, this was something I actually got used to. The hustle and bustle is some what comforting. The people entering and exiting the subways could be some of the greatest characters in the city. I wanted to ask hundreds of questions- what was that man doing with 5 multi-colored hula-hoops? How did the hipster couple cuddling in their flannel meet? How did that bicycle fit through the restricting entry gates that even my suitcase felt claustrophobic being lugged through? How can this city be lonely when there are so many stories being told?
- Washington Square Park: New York City may not have a beach but those who gather in the square seem to not let that hinder a Sunday afternoon. Lounge chairs, bucket hats, live music, struggling comedians, drinks and sunshine were all in clear view. We parked it in the grass, stretched out our sore legs and developed a nice base tan. Who says you need water for the relaxing, at home beach scene?
- Brooklyn: If you want my address for the fall, all I can tell you is Brooklyn, New York. I once read that Brooklyn is one of Manhattan’s 3 ugly step sisters and I can’t tell you how wrong that Upper East Side writer is. First off there are no such things as ugly sisters and Brooklyn is far from being associated with Queens and the Bronx (the other sisters). Brooklyn is full of bicycles, flannel, coffee, live music, starving artists and a bunch of 20-somethings trying to make it in the world. If you know me then you are aware of my coffee addiction, the overflow of flannel in my closet and my dream to write. I may be afraid of bicycles and the only non-musically talented person in my family but hey I fit the other criteria.
Overall, New York was an amazing experience. I can’t wait to go back, to move in and let the city overtake me. Flying home was also such a treat- actually it was my favorite visit home. Laid by the penguin pool, hung out with my dad, cooked a delicious meal with the family and got to see my two best friends in CA. I’m not sure if it gets any better.
5 weeks left. The excitement for the future is over consuming the fear of graduation. And that’s the way it should be.
Rather than painting a picture of the NYC sights that not only secured my dream to move there but enhanced my extreme fascination with the city, I think I'll highlight the moments that aren't found in your Lonely Planet travel books.
- Day 3 in Manhattan: Rain puddles yet enjoyable temperatures started my first day as a lone traveler. I'll admit I feared this day- the day where Hannah was gone and my expertise guide Jhani was at school. I had to put on my confident face and take on New York. (Lesson one: always bring your i-pod on the subway if traveling alone. As much of a norm as staring has become on public transportation, it's easier to secretly gaze when you have Passion Pit in your ears.) Mid afternoon, I arrived downtown, 48th street, and headed straight to Bryant Park. Much needed espresso and I was suddenly in deep conversation with my journal. When the wet seats soaked into my jeans, I headed up one block to the heavenly, magical New York Public Library. Before I entered the drop dead gorgeous monument, a stranger approached me. He talked fast (his first New Yorker trait) and was going on about directions to a near by shop. The confusion lay straight on my face- what was this man talking about? Finally he slowed down... "wait, do you not live here?" I smiled and told him “no, not yet” and then headed up the stairs, past the Lion statues and into the literary castle. Before I could catch my breath I realized I, a native Northern Californian who barely can spell the names of big cities, was mistaken as a New Yorker. The dream was one step closer.
- The Subway: In general, this was something I actually got used to. The hustle and bustle is some what comforting. The people entering and exiting the subways could be some of the greatest characters in the city. I wanted to ask hundreds of questions- what was that man doing with 5 multi-colored hula-hoops? How did the hipster couple cuddling in their flannel meet? How did that bicycle fit through the restricting entry gates that even my suitcase felt claustrophobic being lugged through? How can this city be lonely when there are so many stories being told?
- Washington Square Park: New York City may not have a beach but those who gather in the square seem to not let that hinder a Sunday afternoon. Lounge chairs, bucket hats, live music, struggling comedians, drinks and sunshine were all in clear view. We parked it in the grass, stretched out our sore legs and developed a nice base tan. Who says you need water for the relaxing, at home beach scene?
- Brooklyn: If you want my address for the fall, all I can tell you is Brooklyn, New York. I once read that Brooklyn is one of Manhattan’s 3 ugly step sisters and I can’t tell you how wrong that Upper East Side writer is. First off there are no such things as ugly sisters and Brooklyn is far from being associated with Queens and the Bronx (the other sisters). Brooklyn is full of bicycles, flannel, coffee, live music, starving artists and a bunch of 20-somethings trying to make it in the world. If you know me then you are aware of my coffee addiction, the overflow of flannel in my closet and my dream to write. I may be afraid of bicycles and the only non-musically talented person in my family but hey I fit the other criteria.
Overall, New York was an amazing experience. I can’t wait to go back, to move in and let the city overtake me. Flying home was also such a treat- actually it was my favorite visit home. Laid by the penguin pool, hung out with my dad, cooked a delicious meal with the family and got to see my two best friends in CA. I’m not sure if it gets any better.
5 weeks left. The excitement for the future is over consuming the fear of graduation. And that’s the way it should be.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Brothers in Boulder
Spring is starting to bloom. It was a beautiful weekend in Boulder filled with sunshine, jean shorts, a sunglass tan and vagabonds traveling east. My older brother Taylor and his band Weekend are on their first tour. Traveling from Santa Cruz to the midwest and ending at the 'South by Southwest' festival in Austin, Denver was just a 48 hour stop.
Friday night, after basking in the sun and nannying, I picked the boys up and brought them into the Boulder bubble. With a standard trip the Walrus and a ride on the drunk bus, Taylor, Shaun and Kevin saw an insight to a typical night of debauchery. The bars closed before our adrenaline rush ceased so we returned home for dance parties; hours later we all fell asleep in my room, scattered across the floor in sleeping bags, as Serendipity reeled from the VHS player. When we woke up, the sun was beaming and the Rio rooftop and their strawberry margaritas were calling our name. The boys were shocked at our neighbors 'frattin' with their shirts off and throwing around the football. I guess somethings become so typical but to an outsider, Boulder was existing in its own reality.
We drove into Denver as the sun was setting on paradise. The rest of the bands Weekend is on tour with were recording and jamming when we got to the house. Suddenly I was out of my element. Coming from the familiar with sunshine and confidence, I was suddenly the odd man out. I felt like a poser in my Chuck Taylors, I couldn't help move any of the equipment because there were a thousand chords and being the only girl in a group of 15 rockstars, I was by far the weakest member and in no shape to haul around speakers. As time passed, the bands began to pump themselves up; they piled into the tour bus but Taylor and I drove separately to the venue. He clearly knew I was struggling and it didn't stop there. Entering the half art gallery half cement stage, I stood out worse than I thought. After sound checks and the opening band, I chickened out. I drove off and returned to the land of Boulder.
The more I thought about it I realized how much I idolize Taylor. Hours before he had entered Boulder not knowing what to expect. Driving cross country, in a tour bus, surrounded by the unknown and living off peanut butter sandwiches, he was ready for anything. He ventured to the Walrus and even though it scared him- he stayed. He soaked it all in and didn't run the other way. He poked fun at the social life but embraced it. Fast forward and we switch roles. I'm suddenly the scared one and what do I do... I run. I guess I've become so comfortable here- it's the familiar and the predictability provides comfort.
I have always seen Taylor as a role model. Whether it's his complete unique style, personality, or willingness to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, Taylor really lives life. He's not afraid to try anything and takes whatever comes his way.
To bring it full circle, I've started accepting that I will be leaving Boulder relatively soon. I will be breaking the comfort barrier and traveling into the unknown. I've said before to not be afraid and all I can do is try. I leave for my spring break in NYC this Friday and maybe this weekend with Taylor was just what I needed. I needed to see that my Boulder life won't last forever and it will take time but I will adjust to a new environment. Thankfully I have my big brother to guide me this way.
Friday night, after basking in the sun and nannying, I picked the boys up and brought them into the Boulder bubble. With a standard trip the Walrus and a ride on the drunk bus, Taylor, Shaun and Kevin saw an insight to a typical night of debauchery. The bars closed before our adrenaline rush ceased so we returned home for dance parties; hours later we all fell asleep in my room, scattered across the floor in sleeping bags, as Serendipity reeled from the VHS player. When we woke up, the sun was beaming and the Rio rooftop and their strawberry margaritas were calling our name. The boys were shocked at our neighbors 'frattin' with their shirts off and throwing around the football. I guess somethings become so typical but to an outsider, Boulder was existing in its own reality.
We drove into Denver as the sun was setting on paradise. The rest of the bands Weekend is on tour with were recording and jamming when we got to the house. Suddenly I was out of my element. Coming from the familiar with sunshine and confidence, I was suddenly the odd man out. I felt like a poser in my Chuck Taylors, I couldn't help move any of the equipment because there were a thousand chords and being the only girl in a group of 15 rockstars, I was by far the weakest member and in no shape to haul around speakers. As time passed, the bands began to pump themselves up; they piled into the tour bus but Taylor and I drove separately to the venue. He clearly knew I was struggling and it didn't stop there. Entering the half art gallery half cement stage, I stood out worse than I thought. After sound checks and the opening band, I chickened out. I drove off and returned to the land of Boulder.
The more I thought about it I realized how much I idolize Taylor. Hours before he had entered Boulder not knowing what to expect. Driving cross country, in a tour bus, surrounded by the unknown and living off peanut butter sandwiches, he was ready for anything. He ventured to the Walrus and even though it scared him- he stayed. He soaked it all in and didn't run the other way. He poked fun at the social life but embraced it. Fast forward and we switch roles. I'm suddenly the scared one and what do I do... I run. I guess I've become so comfortable here- it's the familiar and the predictability provides comfort.
I have always seen Taylor as a role model. Whether it's his complete unique style, personality, or willingness to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, Taylor really lives life. He's not afraid to try anything and takes whatever comes his way.
To bring it full circle, I've started accepting that I will be leaving Boulder relatively soon. I will be breaking the comfort barrier and traveling into the unknown. I've said before to not be afraid and all I can do is try. I leave for my spring break in NYC this Friday and maybe this weekend with Taylor was just what I needed. I needed to see that my Boulder life won't last forever and it will take time but I will adjust to a new environment. Thankfully I have my big brother to guide me this way.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Standing Up For Cupid
Valentine's Day is creeping around the corner. Please don't moan or gasp- this is actually an exciting holiday to celebrate. Whoever said it's about showing your significant other how much you love them didn't get the whole story straight. It's actually about showing your love to everyone in your life.
This is actually my 2nd favorite holiday (sorry Cupid- Santa wins). I love the idea that there is a whole day devoted to love. Devoted to sharing your compassion and feelings for others. Isn't this what we need more of in the world? I love conversation hearts, red and pink flowers, cheesy one-liners on halmark cards and the sudden leap of faith everyone takes on this one special day. For this one day, you can confess and blame it on some little guy's arrow.
I remember sending Valentine's in elementary school. I'd buy the box of Disney princess cards and save one special type for the one special boy in my class. He never knew I singled him out but it still gave me butterflies when I watched him open the heart-shaped envelope.
I'm not gonna lie- the romantic, heart-bursting, o-m-g he asked me to be his Valentine is definitely a way to spend the day. Out of my 21 years, I've only had one of those days. But the other 20 were just as fabulous. I felt just as loved and just as lucky to be surrounded by such fun, loving people in my life. This holiday gets quite the bashing but if you change your perspective you'll change your attitude and I can almost promise you'll have an amazing, new outlook on this special day.
And if that doesn't work- it's my little brother's birthday (yes- valentinO/valentinE- he's a baby cupid) and know that regardless if you have a dinner date for two, there are people out there who love you the other 364 days of the year.
This is actually my 2nd favorite holiday (sorry Cupid- Santa wins). I love the idea that there is a whole day devoted to love. Devoted to sharing your compassion and feelings for others. Isn't this what we need more of in the world? I love conversation hearts, red and pink flowers, cheesy one-liners on halmark cards and the sudden leap of faith everyone takes on this one special day. For this one day, you can confess and blame it on some little guy's arrow.
I remember sending Valentine's in elementary school. I'd buy the box of Disney princess cards and save one special type for the one special boy in my class. He never knew I singled him out but it still gave me butterflies when I watched him open the heart-shaped envelope.
I'm not gonna lie- the romantic, heart-bursting, o-m-g he asked me to be his Valentine is definitely a way to spend the day. Out of my 21 years, I've only had one of those days. But the other 20 were just as fabulous. I felt just as loved and just as lucky to be surrounded by such fun, loving people in my life. This holiday gets quite the bashing but if you change your perspective you'll change your attitude and I can almost promise you'll have an amazing, new outlook on this special day.
And if that doesn't work- it's my little brother's birthday (yes- valentinO/valentinE- he's a baby cupid) and know that regardless if you have a dinner date for two, there are people out there who love you the other 364 days of the year.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Curiosity Never Killed A Cat
A year ago this blog took off full speed. The inspiration and dream to pursue a career in writing was reborn and ever since then I've had this calming feeling that everything is going to be alright. However, recently I've been overcome with fear. What once seemed like a near future that would never come has turned into a reality in clear view.
Ever since we were toddlers we're asked what we want to be when we grow up- it inspires us, stirs our imagination and creates dreams we grow from. But now the question isn't what I want to be when I grow up- it's what are you doing in 4 months? Fortunately this newly installed fear was evicted late last night while I was stumbling (a fabulous online distraction if you are ever looking for one...) An image appeared- simple, no tag to some flashy website, that revealed painted words on a city street...
"Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity"
I was reminded that fear is only in our minds and it's up to us to shape and construct our lives. Fear can't be a reason to not get up in the morning. I'll be honest I'm fearful of a lot right now- not just moving across the country and starting a new chapter of life but of almost everything. But that can't be a way to live. I'd rather say I'm curious about everything- I want to explore all the exciting, upcoming life changes and not have this dark, fear cloud hovering.
It's something so simple. I'm constantly reminded by myself, inspirational quotes, my family and friends that life is what you make it. So I'm making my life a discovery filled with curiosity. No fear- just wonder.
Ever since we were toddlers we're asked what we want to be when we grow up- it inspires us, stirs our imagination and creates dreams we grow from. But now the question isn't what I want to be when I grow up- it's what are you doing in 4 months? Fortunately this newly installed fear was evicted late last night while I was stumbling (a fabulous online distraction if you are ever looking for one...) An image appeared- simple, no tag to some flashy website, that revealed painted words on a city street...
"Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity"
I was reminded that fear is only in our minds and it's up to us to shape and construct our lives. Fear can't be a reason to not get up in the morning. I'll be honest I'm fearful of a lot right now- not just moving across the country and starting a new chapter of life but of almost everything. But that can't be a way to live. I'd rather say I'm curious about everything- I want to explore all the exciting, upcoming life changes and not have this dark, fear cloud hovering.
It's something so simple. I'm constantly reminded by myself, inspirational quotes, my family and friends that life is what you make it. So I'm making my life a discovery filled with curiosity. No fear- just wonder.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
So This Is The New Year
Yes just like everyone else I cannot believe it's 2010- we're in a new decade, it's January and we just completed the first week out of 52. However, before forecasting this new year, I suppose it's standard to reflect on the past...
2009 was nothing short of being absolutely fabulous. A year ago I was packing my bag (yes I took one) for Semester At Sea and crazy enough it feels like yesterday. I remember every step of the way and would do anything to go back and live it again. Fortunately the magic didn't end when I disembarked in May- I spent a month at home trying to fathom the experience and then began my amazing summer at camp. Of course that feels like yesterday too- maybe it's because I still talk to my camp friends as if they're just a cabin away and because we make such efforts to see each other. Fall brought my senior year of college and a glance at the 'real world' that is coming soon. Winter brought many blasts from the pasts that reminded me of this journey I've started and how blessed I am to have my support group always at the stern.
And so now, present day, I'm trying to take it all in. I keep telling people I must sound old because time is going by so fast and my perception of time in alternating. I don't want to be one of those people that dwell in the past- that's always talking about how great it was and that "seriously it feels like yesterday." I keep having these moments and I keep saying that phrase but honestly because I don't know what else to say.
Many of my friends are freaking out about graduating- normal for anyone in our current stage. I'm trying to just breathe because I've realized this is something you can't fight. It will happen and the future will be great. That's about the only thing I'm 100% positive of.
I'm such a planner so naturally I have a small, faint road map of the year. I plan on having the most amazing, adventurous, spontaneous, fun last semester of college. Everything from soaking in all of Boulder's wonder to attending every session of class because at this point, I plan on these last 4 months to be it forever. (Which obviously is a scary thought since school is all I've known since... forever). I plan on spending May in Boulder then driving east and leaving the flatirons behind, working at camp and saving every penny so that in the first/second week of September... I can move to New York City. Honestly at this point, my map ends and that's how I want it. I'd rather leave that image in my head untouched.
It's going to be an exciting year filled with happiness, growth and I suppose everything in between. I sort of see all my years like that- I couldn't ever imagine saying a whole year sucked and needing a new one for a fresh start. Rather I reflect and without a doubt the positive moments are what shine. That's why I know that everything is going to be okay. The universe is going to unfold just as it should. May this faith and belief somehow calm your thoughts for the new year.
2009 was nothing short of being absolutely fabulous. A year ago I was packing my bag (yes I took one) for Semester At Sea and crazy enough it feels like yesterday. I remember every step of the way and would do anything to go back and live it again. Fortunately the magic didn't end when I disembarked in May- I spent a month at home trying to fathom the experience and then began my amazing summer at camp. Of course that feels like yesterday too- maybe it's because I still talk to my camp friends as if they're just a cabin away and because we make such efforts to see each other. Fall brought my senior year of college and a glance at the 'real world' that is coming soon. Winter brought many blasts from the pasts that reminded me of this journey I've started and how blessed I am to have my support group always at the stern.
And so now, present day, I'm trying to take it all in. I keep telling people I must sound old because time is going by so fast and my perception of time in alternating. I don't want to be one of those people that dwell in the past- that's always talking about how great it was and that "seriously it feels like yesterday." I keep having these moments and I keep saying that phrase but honestly because I don't know what else to say.
Many of my friends are freaking out about graduating- normal for anyone in our current stage. I'm trying to just breathe because I've realized this is something you can't fight. It will happen and the future will be great. That's about the only thing I'm 100% positive of.
I'm such a planner so naturally I have a small, faint road map of the year. I plan on having the most amazing, adventurous, spontaneous, fun last semester of college. Everything from soaking in all of Boulder's wonder to attending every session of class because at this point, I plan on these last 4 months to be it forever. (Which obviously is a scary thought since school is all I've known since... forever). I plan on spending May in Boulder then driving east and leaving the flatirons behind, working at camp and saving every penny so that in the first/second week of September... I can move to New York City. Honestly at this point, my map ends and that's how I want it. I'd rather leave that image in my head untouched.
It's going to be an exciting year filled with happiness, growth and I suppose everything in between. I sort of see all my years like that- I couldn't ever imagine saying a whole year sucked and needing a new one for a fresh start. Rather I reflect and without a doubt the positive moments are what shine. That's why I know that everything is going to be okay. The universe is going to unfold just as it should. May this faith and belief somehow calm your thoughts for the new year.
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