Change In Attitudes

As much as things are back to normal, they are quickly about to change. Change seems to be the theme of this year- whether it's political, emotional, physical or mental everything around me seems to be changing.

Just as my waves of depression were crashing, Heidi took a surprise visit to San Francisco and lifted my spirits right up. It had been nearly a week and a half but it felt like forever since we had been sitting in 4164 sailing the open waters. Showing Heidi around was just what I needed. We took my favorite walk around town, played in the fog and sand at Stinson, drank hot espresso in Sausilito and had those hour long chats where by the end, the only remaining feeling is happiness. After introducing Heidi to the fam and my life here, it showed me that SAS is real. The friendships, the memories, the relationships- they are all alive and will remain apart of me.

Turning 21 was quite the change as well. I used to think 21 just meant you could legally party- little did I know, at the stroke of midnight it's like you've been given a permanent invitation to the adult table. It was the first birthday ever where when someone asked, "do you feel any older" I actually did.

Right after my birthday, I faced the biggest challenge of all: 39 hours of lifeguard certification. I must say I had been dreading this since... January when I knew I needed to take the class. I was scared of everything- getting in the water, failing, not knowing anyone or anything and being expected to make judgments to save someone's life. On the first day of class, I actually sat in the parking lot and had to convince myself to go. After taking a deep breath, I entered into Mill Valley Community Center and found the meeting room. Inside were twenty 15-17 year olds and now more than ever, I felt out of place and ridiculously old. We started off with the pre-req exam- something I had actually been practicing for the last week: 300 yards of freestyle and breaststroke and diving down to get a 10 lb. brick and carrying it 50 yards. Of course to anyone who can swim, this sounds relatively easy but I once taught myself to swim in our Bakersfield pool and never took lessons.

Against all odds, I passed and we began the actual course. The next 3 days were 8am-8pm of watching cheesy videos, reading textbooks, diving, holding my breathe for longer than I knew was possible, pretend rescues and surprisingly having an amazing weekend. I got to know some of the kids- they filled me in on the high school gossip and how they can't wait to get their license. They were dying to know any secrets I had about college and if I could pretty please just tell them what it's like to be in the Greek system. Simultaneously I was getting to know my lifeguard instructors who happened to be my age. They were two cute guys who basically were paid to babysit all weekend since let's be honest- 80% of the class didn't pay attention. By the end of the grueling 39 hours, I had made new friends, been offered a job at the MVCC pool (biggest shock of them all), passed with flying colors and even tested out of a section, faced all my aquatic fears, and was extended an invitation to hang out with the instructors after class.

It's these situations I have to remember- I always set it up in my head as something scary- facing challenges are horrifying but time after time I leave and come out having an amazing time. The time flew by, I learned more than I thought possible, made new friends and for a second it was fun to relive moments of high school. It was a good practice for my upcoming adventure at Mt. Camp where I literally know no one and will be living with them for 9 weeks.

The important thing I realized is my fear doesn't hold me back. Even though I sat in the car debating whether to actually go into the class, I knew I would. Even when there is a large obstructing task in front of me, I know I will conquer it and fortunately, when I get to the other side, I've gained far beyond what I started with.