How To Deal

“Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning...breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out....and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how great and perfect I had it once” Sleepless in Seattle

Everything is different and it’s only been a week. I have successfully slept through one night while the others I stay up late living through pictures, journal entries or night chats with fellow shipmates who have suddenly become nocturnal as well. I have never felt like this. Part of me feels like I am in a dream; an alter universe. It doesn’t seem real when I tell people “I circumnavigated the globe” or “I went around the world” because most people (sometimes even I) can’t fathom the idea.

Everyone has been so supportive. Thank you to those who have listened to me, who have cared and who continue to remind me that this journey did occur and it is simply the beginning. My parents have been ridiculously accommodating and helpful but I guess that's another part of growing up- they are treating me as an equal and the leash they once held must have been severed somewhere along the ride.

For the first time in my life, I feel older. Being in Novato, feels like I’m visiting- even being in my parent’s house feels like I’m at my grandparents or somewhere I can call home but not necessarily my own. That in itself is scary.

I’m finding comfort in others who have traveled, returned and felt completely lost but then wrote about it. My second day here started off at the library- surrounded myself with inspiration and wisdom while finding complete self help in the travel section. It’s a slow process- filtering through all the emotions and at times I’m a wreck. My mood changes by the hour. One moment I’m full of energy, ready to take on the next adventure, eager for Mt. Camp and happy to be here. The next I’m crying and questioning why I’m even here and if there is anything greater than what I just experienced. I’m missing people and the life I created- the life at sea I so easily called mine because it fit perfectly.

Fortunately, I’m often in the happy mood. I really am thrilled for the next chapter of my life. I’m looking forward to being here with my family, turning 21 in San Francisco next week, attempting to become life guard certified, moving to Lake Tahoe and working at Mt. Camp and then starting yet another chapter of my life for my final year in Boulder (which might be the scariest realization of them all...)

Facebook and the modern world have made it rather easy to keep in contact with people. Every time someone posts pictures online I get the rush of excitement and take a long, whole hearted stroll down memory lane. As close as it makes everyone seem, the people I miss the most feel the farthest away. While driving up on the 101 yesterday, I thought what if I kept going? Washington is just north and I could be there by sundown. Unfortunately I settled for a phone call but oh how the temptation is there...