I've been meaning to write and meaning to sit down and relax, pour a cup of coffee and log back into my little blog. It seems life keeps getting in the way and I find myself clinging to the age old expression, "there are not enough hours in the day!" I am trying to utilize all 24 of the given hours in the best way possible, truly focusing on finding 'me' time and making sure I am living life to the fullest. I will say this has recently been hard.
I find myself living in quite the dichotomy. Let me say that in a 2 week period 4 people, including extended family, college friends and acquaintances, all lost their lives in tragic, unforeseen ways. The bad news just kept coming. It continued when I got a phone call about my grandpa and now I am rushing home to somehow say goodbye. I am pulled in both directions of life. There is a part of me that wants to go home, drop everything now, live in a cardboard box with my family and friends all close to me and just breathe knowing we are all safe and together. The more realistic side of me wants to savor every day, take trips, make mistakes, exhaust a lazy Sunday to the fullest, stay out till the sun wakes and spend every moment thankful to be here. How can I have two such drastic emotions?
I have definitely been acting more on the realistic example above. Even though mini-vacation weekends leave me restless all week at work, I had back to back adventures in Boston and DC. Boston, as always, was amazing. The cape was cool and kind, delicious and cozy. DC was the relaxing weekend I needed and endlessly craved. Not only is DC now one of my favorite places but I got to uncover the city with my oldest, dearest friend Lexi. We crammed everything into less than 48 hours- walking tours, bookshops, robes and wine, happy hour and sushi, late night monument sightings and bottomless brunch. I took my 3 hr train ride back up the coast and arrived in NYC feeling recharged, feeling positive and full. Of course, it was later that week I got the call about my grandpa and so I struggle to find the place between optimism and having reality hit you blindly.
Now I am in my hermit crab phase during this highly anxious storm currently blaring out my window. Dear old Sandy has been the talk of the town. I first heard of the hurricane Friday and we had to send out a letter to all the parents at school just telling them there was a hurricane on the forecast. Little did I know what we were getting ourselves into. By Sunday, there was a dim fragrance of panic in the air. Grocery stores swamped, bare shelves, packed lines and yet the calmest dark clouds resting peacefully above. Schools are closed, the subway is shut down (which basically means NYC is shut down), evacuations continue and we are left waiting. This morning was the first sight of rain while the wind has been rustling for hours. Currently we have power although we have been told we most likely will lose it. Kevin and I are stalked up on food (maybe went a little overboard but whatever) and at least I will be stranded with my best friend should worse come to worse. I am trying to find the positive side- trying to see that this is that down time I have been searching for. There is no work to be done, no timeline, no deadline, no commute, no hussle- there just is life. I am, however, a little nervous about being in a hurricane and the selfish fact that I have a flight home Wednesday and all flights are currently grounded. But rather than stress I just need to sit in the moment, sip my coffee, listen to the roar outside and be thankful I am indoors, warm and not alone. The rest will simply just be.
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