A year ago this blog took off full speed. The inspiration and dream to pursue a career in writing was reborn and ever since then I've had this calming feeling that everything is going to be alright. However, recently I've been overcome with fear. What once seemed like a near future that would never come has turned into a reality in clear view.
Ever since we were toddlers we're asked what we want to be when we grow up- it inspires us, stirs our imagination and creates dreams we grow from. But now the question isn't what I want to be when I grow up- it's what are you doing in 4 months? Fortunately this newly installed fear was evicted late last night while I was stumbling (a fabulous online distraction if you are ever looking for one...) An image appeared- simple, no tag to some flashy website, that revealed painted words on a city street...
"Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity"
I was reminded that fear is only in our minds and it's up to us to shape and construct our lives. Fear can't be a reason to not get up in the morning. I'll be honest I'm fearful of a lot right now- not just moving across the country and starting a new chapter of life but of almost everything. But that can't be a way to live. I'd rather say I'm curious about everything- I want to explore all the exciting, upcoming life changes and not have this dark, fear cloud hovering.
It's something so simple. I'm constantly reminded by myself, inspirational quotes, my family and friends that life is what you make it. So I'm making my life a discovery filled with curiosity. No fear- just wonder.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
So This Is The New Year
Yes just like everyone else I cannot believe it's 2010- we're in a new decade, it's January and we just completed the first week out of 52. However, before forecasting this new year, I suppose it's standard to reflect on the past...
2009 was nothing short of being absolutely fabulous. A year ago I was packing my bag (yes I took one) for Semester At Sea and crazy enough it feels like yesterday. I remember every step of the way and would do anything to go back and live it again. Fortunately the magic didn't end when I disembarked in May- I spent a month at home trying to fathom the experience and then began my amazing summer at camp. Of course that feels like yesterday too- maybe it's because I still talk to my camp friends as if they're just a cabin away and because we make such efforts to see each other. Fall brought my senior year of college and a glance at the 'real world' that is coming soon. Winter brought many blasts from the pasts that reminded me of this journey I've started and how blessed I am to have my support group always at the stern.
And so now, present day, I'm trying to take it all in. I keep telling people I must sound old because time is going by so fast and my perception of time in alternating. I don't want to be one of those people that dwell in the past- that's always talking about how great it was and that "seriously it feels like yesterday." I keep having these moments and I keep saying that phrase but honestly because I don't know what else to say.
Many of my friends are freaking out about graduating- normal for anyone in our current stage. I'm trying to just breathe because I've realized this is something you can't fight. It will happen and the future will be great. That's about the only thing I'm 100% positive of.
I'm such a planner so naturally I have a small, faint road map of the year. I plan on having the most amazing, adventurous, spontaneous, fun last semester of college. Everything from soaking in all of Boulder's wonder to attending every session of class because at this point, I plan on these last 4 months to be it forever. (Which obviously is a scary thought since school is all I've known since... forever). I plan on spending May in Boulder then driving east and leaving the flatirons behind, working at camp and saving every penny so that in the first/second week of September... I can move to New York City. Honestly at this point, my map ends and that's how I want it. I'd rather leave that image in my head untouched.
It's going to be an exciting year filled with happiness, growth and I suppose everything in between. I sort of see all my years like that- I couldn't ever imagine saying a whole year sucked and needing a new one for a fresh start. Rather I reflect and without a doubt the positive moments are what shine. That's why I know that everything is going to be okay. The universe is going to unfold just as it should. May this faith and belief somehow calm your thoughts for the new year.
2009 was nothing short of being absolutely fabulous. A year ago I was packing my bag (yes I took one) for Semester At Sea and crazy enough it feels like yesterday. I remember every step of the way and would do anything to go back and live it again. Fortunately the magic didn't end when I disembarked in May- I spent a month at home trying to fathom the experience and then began my amazing summer at camp. Of course that feels like yesterday too- maybe it's because I still talk to my camp friends as if they're just a cabin away and because we make such efforts to see each other. Fall brought my senior year of college and a glance at the 'real world' that is coming soon. Winter brought many blasts from the pasts that reminded me of this journey I've started and how blessed I am to have my support group always at the stern.
And so now, present day, I'm trying to take it all in. I keep telling people I must sound old because time is going by so fast and my perception of time in alternating. I don't want to be one of those people that dwell in the past- that's always talking about how great it was and that "seriously it feels like yesterday." I keep having these moments and I keep saying that phrase but honestly because I don't know what else to say.
Many of my friends are freaking out about graduating- normal for anyone in our current stage. I'm trying to just breathe because I've realized this is something you can't fight. It will happen and the future will be great. That's about the only thing I'm 100% positive of.
I'm such a planner so naturally I have a small, faint road map of the year. I plan on having the most amazing, adventurous, spontaneous, fun last semester of college. Everything from soaking in all of Boulder's wonder to attending every session of class because at this point, I plan on these last 4 months to be it forever. (Which obviously is a scary thought since school is all I've known since... forever). I plan on spending May in Boulder then driving east and leaving the flatirons behind, working at camp and saving every penny so that in the first/second week of September... I can move to New York City. Honestly at this point, my map ends and that's how I want it. I'd rather leave that image in my head untouched.
It's going to be an exciting year filled with happiness, growth and I suppose everything in between. I sort of see all my years like that- I couldn't ever imagine saying a whole year sucked and needing a new one for a fresh start. Rather I reflect and without a doubt the positive moments are what shine. That's why I know that everything is going to be okay. The universe is going to unfold just as it should. May this faith and belief somehow calm your thoughts for the new year.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Outside The Snow Is Falling...
It's that time of the year again. There's snow outside, colorful lights are strung from trees and A frame-shaped houses, jolly tunes blare from radio stations and my i-pod on repeat, there's a sense of happiness in the brisk air and all I feel is the fullness of life.
November, of course, flew by. Weekend in Monterrey for a wonderful, much needed family reunion, a fall party at the KP and the anticipated annual trip home for the fall festivities of Thanksgiving. It was the best break filled with spontaneity, blasts from the pasts, dancing all night in San Francisco clubs, inspiring chats about NYC, golden sun rays, family sips of Mead wine, dipping my toes in the world of publishing, high school reunions and finally hanging the multi-colored 1980's Christmas lights with the brothers.
As the dark winter begins to flurry outside, the future is getting brighter. We've been virtually apartment hunting for the big September move to New York. Now more than ever I know it's the right choice- the next step in life. I've been getting familiar with the different areas of the city, figuring out potential budgets and really looking at any job that would pay the bills. Regardless of all the negative responses I hear from people (how are you going to pay for it? can you handle NYC life? do you know anyone there?) I still feel 110% positive this is the right choice. Of course I take these concerns, understand them, respect that people care about my well-being but honestly take it with a grain of salt. There may be 100 reasons to not go but there's one reason why I should- because it's my dream. Because I know I can do it, I can figure it out.
So here we go into December- a closing to a year filled with growth, learning, life experiences and more cliches that have described 2009. but I'll save all those reflections for the next blog...
November, of course, flew by. Weekend in Monterrey for a wonderful, much needed family reunion, a fall party at the KP and the anticipated annual trip home for the fall festivities of Thanksgiving. It was the best break filled with spontaneity, blasts from the pasts, dancing all night in San Francisco clubs, inspiring chats about NYC, golden sun rays, family sips of Mead wine, dipping my toes in the world of publishing, high school reunions and finally hanging the multi-colored 1980's Christmas lights with the brothers.
As the dark winter begins to flurry outside, the future is getting brighter. We've been virtually apartment hunting for the big September move to New York. Now more than ever I know it's the right choice- the next step in life. I've been getting familiar with the different areas of the city, figuring out potential budgets and really looking at any job that would pay the bills. Regardless of all the negative responses I hear from people (how are you going to pay for it? can you handle NYC life? do you know anyone there?) I still feel 110% positive this is the right choice. Of course I take these concerns, understand them, respect that people care about my well-being but honestly take it with a grain of salt. There may be 100 reasons to not go but there's one reason why I should- because it's my dream. Because I know I can do it, I can figure it out.
So here we go into December- a closing to a year filled with growth, learning, life experiences and more cliches that have described 2009. but I'll save all those reflections for the next blog...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Happiness In Kansas
I recently made the 14 hour round trip trek to Manhattan, Kansas. Taking a roadtrip and attending a visitor football game was on my bucket list and what better time is there than the present.
Hannah and I miraculously left by 8:30am on Friday. The drive was filled with falls in the mud, run-ins with highway patrol, questionable roadtrip food and of course we ran out of gas in a town with population 12. When we reached Kansas State, we had no where to stay, no one to call and no agenda. It was perfect. We reminded ourselves that moments like these are where you truly experience life and we did just that. We made every moment count, met some of the craziest characters, played a horrible football game but tailgated in a million dollar RV, barely got sleep and before we knew it- we were back out on I-70 heading west.
Everyone told me Kansas was one of those states you can do without- that it's the same as Nebraska and Oklahoma and that there's nothing really there. Lies. I've never been to Oklahoma (next roadtrip?) but I've been to Nebraska and it was completely different. Kansas is gorgeous- Kansas knows fall. The colors were the kind you read about in books or the kind you crave to fill a blank canvas with. The open road offers everything. Miles of clear thoughts, blue skies and a few clouds that let your imagination run wild. The Kansasans, as I liked to call them, contain the most school spirit I've ever seen. They bleed purple and the entire town is dedicated to the Wildcat mania.
When I was applying for college, I thought it was going to be the biggest decision of my life. I spent hours looking at pictures, reading blogs and trying to figure out where I'd find myself. By the end, my dad reminded me that wherever you go, there you are and months later I moved to CU and now years later here I am- still happy as ever to have chosen CU but my happiness here wasn't found- I created it. I truly think that I would have been happy anywhere I attended school because you make it what it is. I'm about to make another one of these "life changing decisions" and currently it seems like the biggest yet- where to go after graduation. But I think it's clear that I'll make life enjoyable anywhere. Whether I end up in Manhattan, Kansas or Manhattan, New York I know I'm going to be just fine.
Hannah and I miraculously left by 8:30am on Friday. The drive was filled with falls in the mud, run-ins with highway patrol, questionable roadtrip food and of course we ran out of gas in a town with population 12. When we reached Kansas State, we had no where to stay, no one to call and no agenda. It was perfect. We reminded ourselves that moments like these are where you truly experience life and we did just that. We made every moment count, met some of the craziest characters, played a horrible football game but tailgated in a million dollar RV, barely got sleep and before we knew it- we were back out on I-70 heading west.
Everyone told me Kansas was one of those states you can do without- that it's the same as Nebraska and Oklahoma and that there's nothing really there. Lies. I've never been to Oklahoma (next roadtrip?) but I've been to Nebraska and it was completely different. Kansas is gorgeous- Kansas knows fall. The colors were the kind you read about in books or the kind you crave to fill a blank canvas with. The open road offers everything. Miles of clear thoughts, blue skies and a few clouds that let your imagination run wild. The Kansasans, as I liked to call them, contain the most school spirit I've ever seen. They bleed purple and the entire town is dedicated to the Wildcat mania.
When I was applying for college, I thought it was going to be the biggest decision of my life. I spent hours looking at pictures, reading blogs and trying to figure out where I'd find myself. By the end, my dad reminded me that wherever you go, there you are and months later I moved to CU and now years later here I am- still happy as ever to have chosen CU but my happiness here wasn't found- I created it. I truly think that I would have been happy anywhere I attended school because you make it what it is. I'm about to make another one of these "life changing decisions" and currently it seems like the biggest yet- where to go after graduation. But I think it's clear that I'll make life enjoyable anywhere. Whether I end up in Manhattan, Kansas or Manhattan, New York I know I'm going to be just fine.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Falling Back
Suddenly it's October. The leaves are golden, the air is crisp and life is finally beginning to slow down. Already we're in midterm season- but didn't school just start?
Today finishes fall rush- I was a Rho Gamma or basically a guide for the freshmen girls going through recruitment. To be honest, I thought I was completely done with the sorority. I skipped out of rush and did the Rho Gamma thing and was contemplating dropping or going inactive. But within these last few days I've seen how much Theta has meant to me and how I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Maybe it was sitting at pref night speeches and seeing all the potential members nervous as hell and wondering if Theta was the right house for them- I remember sitting in their exact seat just 3 years ago. At first I was extremely jealous- so envious that their experiences are just beginning and sadly the ends of mine are in view. But I realized that these last years in Theta have molded my life in every way possible and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I guess I'm "that" sorority girl they talk about during rush- I've met the girls that will be in my wedding, the girls that will stand by my side no matter the situation and people that truly want the best for me and are determined to see me succeed. When I chose Theta 3 years ago, I never saw that in my future. I saw parties and boys and fraternities and fun. Who knew it would be all that and yet so much more?
Senior year has been by far the most stressful and most academically challenging but to be honest- I like it. I'm always at the library or Starbucks studying (I've been reading so much I had to break out my glasses from high school...) and my planner is maxed out. But I just keep reminding myself that this is the last year- the last time I'll have homework or midterms or class and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad.
It seems the future is a frequent topic amongst college seniors- what are you going to do? Where are you going to live? How does your resume look? When's your next interview? Some people freak out and wonder how life could possibly go on post college but I'm getting excited. It will be the first time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. As a classified roadrunner, my plans are always changing but as of today I want to move to the east coast- New York or Boston- and work my way into the publishing world. Make some money, work on my writings, publish them and travel. I want to be dead broke and live on a tight budget. I want a tiny apartment that barely fits my bed but has a large, inspiring window to fill my head with possibilities. I want a library card to explore the passion around me and a coffee pot to brew my imagination during the late nights.
Does that seem like too much to ask for?
Today finishes fall rush- I was a Rho Gamma or basically a guide for the freshmen girls going through recruitment. To be honest, I thought I was completely done with the sorority. I skipped out of rush and did the Rho Gamma thing and was contemplating dropping or going inactive. But within these last few days I've seen how much Theta has meant to me and how I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Maybe it was sitting at pref night speeches and seeing all the potential members nervous as hell and wondering if Theta was the right house for them- I remember sitting in their exact seat just 3 years ago. At first I was extremely jealous- so envious that their experiences are just beginning and sadly the ends of mine are in view. But I realized that these last years in Theta have molded my life in every way possible and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I guess I'm "that" sorority girl they talk about during rush- I've met the girls that will be in my wedding, the girls that will stand by my side no matter the situation and people that truly want the best for me and are determined to see me succeed. When I chose Theta 3 years ago, I never saw that in my future. I saw parties and boys and fraternities and fun. Who knew it would be all that and yet so much more?
Senior year has been by far the most stressful and most academically challenging but to be honest- I like it. I'm always at the library or Starbucks studying (I've been reading so much I had to break out my glasses from high school...) and my planner is maxed out. But I just keep reminding myself that this is the last year- the last time I'll have homework or midterms or class and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad.
It seems the future is a frequent topic amongst college seniors- what are you going to do? Where are you going to live? How does your resume look? When's your next interview? Some people freak out and wonder how life could possibly go on post college but I'm getting excited. It will be the first time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. As a classified roadrunner, my plans are always changing but as of today I want to move to the east coast- New York or Boston- and work my way into the publishing world. Make some money, work on my writings, publish them and travel. I want to be dead broke and live on a tight budget. I want a tiny apartment that barely fits my bed but has a large, inspiring window to fill my head with possibilities. I want a library card to explore the passion around me and a coffee pot to brew my imagination during the late nights.
Does that seem like too much to ask for?
Friday, August 21, 2009
All Grown Up
1,300 miles later, here I am sitting in my new house, at my new barbie pink desk, facing new neighbors but in a town so familiar that the 9 month absence almost seems like it never occurred. It's amazing that everything in my life can change yet Boulder remains and feels the same.
It's been just days of this new life. No more kids, no more traveling, no more songs around the campfire and no more moments with the people I miss so much. But this life- the life of a college senior- is already becoming the norm. Now I can cook for myself, can legally have a glass of wine or legally get into the bars on Pearl, can walk into my backyard and be greeted by my closest girlfriends, we can have candles in our rooms and not be worried around breaking a sorority house rule, and most importantly we can all come back after being separated for so long and act as if no time has passed. We are finally adults.
Camp ended on the best note- we celebrated a birthday with a limo ride, brewery visit, corn hole games and gambling (Randon and I won $60!) and returned to camp for one last night in a bunkbed and sleeping bag. Early Sunday morning, Randon drove me down to Sacramento to meet dad. With a farewell hug and kiss, I said goodbye to someone who has changed my life in the best possible way and got in the turtle to begin the 16 hour trip east. Crosby and Nash guided us over the mountains, into Reno for a few games of blackjack where my beginners luck was still sparking. Kings of Leon and Black Eyed Peas (yes my dad actually put up with my taste of music) led us through the Great Salt Lake and finally we stopped for the night in Wyoming. Bright and early we dashed out and before we knew it the Rockies were in view. We spent the day building furniture, buying home essentials and soaking in the Boulder sunshine. For my 3rd cinematic visit of the 2009 year, Dad and I went and saw '500 Days of Summer' and sadly the following morning I dropped him off at DIA. It was one of the best times I've ever had with my dad- it must go along with this whole adult stage of my life. We talked about everything- whether it was school, Theta, camp or boys and to no surprise he gave me the best and most relevant advice. Because of him, I'm ready to take on what comes next and I truly believe the universe will unfold just as it should.
This year has been unreal- every experience whether it was SAS, camp and now being back in Boulder, has taught me more about myself and given me more happiness than I ever thought imaginable. The future promises nothing less- I'm sure of it.
It's been just days of this new life. No more kids, no more traveling, no more songs around the campfire and no more moments with the people I miss so much. But this life- the life of a college senior- is already becoming the norm. Now I can cook for myself, can legally have a glass of wine or legally get into the bars on Pearl, can walk into my backyard and be greeted by my closest girlfriends, we can have candles in our rooms and not be worried around breaking a sorority house rule, and most importantly we can all come back after being separated for so long and act as if no time has passed. We are finally adults.
Camp ended on the best note- we celebrated a birthday with a limo ride, brewery visit, corn hole games and gambling (Randon and I won $60!) and returned to camp for one last night in a bunkbed and sleeping bag. Early Sunday morning, Randon drove me down to Sacramento to meet dad. With a farewell hug and kiss, I said goodbye to someone who has changed my life in the best possible way and got in the turtle to begin the 16 hour trip east. Crosby and Nash guided us over the mountains, into Reno for a few games of blackjack where my beginners luck was still sparking. Kings of Leon and Black Eyed Peas (yes my dad actually put up with my taste of music) led us through the Great Salt Lake and finally we stopped for the night in Wyoming. Bright and early we dashed out and before we knew it the Rockies were in view. We spent the day building furniture, buying home essentials and soaking in the Boulder sunshine. For my 3rd cinematic visit of the 2009 year, Dad and I went and saw '500 Days of Summer' and sadly the following morning I dropped him off at DIA. It was one of the best times I've ever had with my dad- it must go along with this whole adult stage of my life. We talked about everything- whether it was school, Theta, camp or boys and to no surprise he gave me the best and most relevant advice. Because of him, I'm ready to take on what comes next and I truly believe the universe will unfold just as it should.
This year has been unreal- every experience whether it was SAS, camp and now being back in Boulder, has taught me more about myself and given me more happiness than I ever thought imaginable. The future promises nothing less- I'm sure of it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Another Step Forward
It's hard to believe that in a matter of two short weeks, my life will change yet again. I will be surrounded by new people and living in a new place- actually people and a place that I call home, Boulder, but haven't been there since December. In just a 1,000 mile roadtrip with my awesome dad, I will pull into our new bachelorette pad on Pleasant and start my final year as a college kid. The perfect word to describe it all is bittersweet.
Life at camp was so easy to adjust to. Living outdoors, playing in the water, trying new activities and being submerged in the simple life- something I got used to and called my own quickly. It's a comforting feeling knowing I took a risk- I applied and came to camp not knowing a soul or what exactly I would be doing. Immediately it just felt right. It has been like every star aligned and I am exactly where I should be. And so as I get ready to leave this soothing, relaxing environment and enter the 'real world' I have to remind myself that it's yet another amazing opportunity coming my way.
I'm taking everything I learned whether it was from a 7 year old, 15 year old, from the late nights of stargazing, from the adventures sailing around the lake, the courage to get on stage and sing/dance, the willingness to try absolutely anything- from every counselor and friend who has shown me a brighter side to life and to a special boy who against all odds has shown me that good things are out and to enjoy each and every moment with a smile on your face and some faith in your heart.
It's another big leap but I'm ready.
Life at camp was so easy to adjust to. Living outdoors, playing in the water, trying new activities and being submerged in the simple life- something I got used to and called my own quickly. It's a comforting feeling knowing I took a risk- I applied and came to camp not knowing a soul or what exactly I would be doing. Immediately it just felt right. It has been like every star aligned and I am exactly where I should be. And so as I get ready to leave this soothing, relaxing environment and enter the 'real world' I have to remind myself that it's yet another amazing opportunity coming my way.
I'm taking everything I learned whether it was from a 7 year old, 15 year old, from the late nights of stargazing, from the adventures sailing around the lake, the courage to get on stage and sing/dance, the willingness to try absolutely anything- from every counselor and friend who has shown me a brighter side to life and to a special boy who against all odds has shown me that good things are out and to enjoy each and every moment with a smile on your face and some faith in your heart.
It's another big leap but I'm ready.
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