Sometimes I Get A Good Feeling

And just like that, we're heading into the final stretch of the year. December is a sweet reminder that we save the best for last. December is the most wonderful time of the year filled with blessings, happiness, magic and joy as we forget our troubles and wrap our bodies and minds in the glorious holiday season.

The holiday season, of course, begins with Thanksgiving and an annual short but always fabulous trip home. My 4 days in California were filled to the brim and left nothing but a sweet taste in my heart and soul. Surrounded by good people and good times, I was able to see old friends, best friends, high school kids, Valentinos, Rossis and Buckleys from far and near while spending countless hours in the hot tub soaking in the family gossip. My first Thanksgiving with actual turkey (in 6 years) along with the dreadful 3 hour time difference, left me exhausted each night as a I sank into California dreams stowed in my childhood bedroom.

Each visit home, I find my relationships altering and growing in the most fascinating of ways. With my parents, it continues to blossom into some magical and near utopian. They're my best friends, we're equals, we share secrets and advice, we laugh, we cry, we're honest and even take our stress on the world out on each other (not always a good thing but we grow from this too). At the end of the day, I have nothing but pure love and respect for them and aspire to be even an ounce of a person that they are. The inspiration from family continues on to my incredible siblings. From married life to college life, running miles and creating miracles, these individuals continue to be my heroes. Filled with a determination to succeed and blinded by any of life's challenges, these fellows take life head on and greet each day with endless laughter. Thousands of miles away, it's hard to believe I am anything like them but I hope some of their wonder and sparkle trails to the east.

It is, of course, always hard to leave the sunny, golden state. SFO, so sterile and concrete, is hard to arrive at and turn my back on my roots. Somehow, though, every time, I get back on that plane. I head east to this life I've created and I greet it with a smile. Passenger pick-up always awaits the love of my life (how spoiled am I that boyfriend always gets me!!!) and Boston, without hesitation or question, opens her arms yet again.

As we head into this final chapter of the year, I am reminded of the magic and wonder this season provides. Family, friends, cheer and bliss, there are so many things to be thankful for. Eagerly I await our trip to NYC for Christmas in full swing, holiday parties and Yankee swaps, another lovely holiday with boyfriend's family and did I mention it's been in the 60's and actually, dare I say, warmer than California? However, the snow can fall whenever it pleases as I will stay warm in the comfort of this euphoric celebration.

(Some dolls at our Family Turkey Trot! 5k/10k aka shredding machines)

Delightful Obsessions

Technically I think the term, state or feeling of obsess, obsessed or obsession contains quite the negative connotation. Its notorious definition seems to be an undesired emotion filled with sinful behavior. Well, sorry to all the dictionary sites I googled, but I am currently obsessed with all fully desired emotions and thoughts that lack nothing but fabulousness.

My current sinless obsessions... shall begin with the golden fall that has spread across Boston like warm butter on gluten-free bread seeping into New England's pores. I am struck by the beauty as I take my morning walks to the train and often stop to snap pictures for I fear the masterpiece could blow away over night. Thanks for the life changing app Instagram (special little shout out to Kevin & Nicole) I have taken some of the most magical and breathing photos of my life. Filled with crisply bright leaves that you can almost hear crinkle as the camera pulls in its deepest shades. Sunrises that bleed purple and form a orange lush halo over the city as I ride the T across the Charles. I probably look like a tourist but I am simply obsessed.

Although I am fully aware this blissful season and radiant colors will soon disappear, I am obsessed with the season and magic that follows. November 1st kicked off the Starbucks red holiday cups (but I totally got a sneak peek because that's what you get when you go every single day and make besties with the baristas...) and that was simply the beginning of the most wonderful time of the year. I'd like to say I wait until Thanksgiving before I bust out the jingles but ever since I started living where it snows, I changed my holiday routine. Whatever comes first- snow or November- the jingles shall commence. That being said, after a Halloween snow dusting, I am obsessed with Michael Buble's Christmas album and suddenly the world is just that much better. Soon to come are snowmen and mistletoe, snowflakes and wreaths and the warming of hearts as we ride into Christmas night.

We're going out of order... but I'm obsessed with the fact that in just TWO weeks I'll be in California with the entire fam and the besties that are too far for comfort. I can smell the turkey, roasted veggies and pumpkin pie from my little Boston apartment and I can fear the 8am Turkey Trot that dreadfully follows the infamous Novato High reunion at the local bars but there is nothing that will stop be from making it back and indulging in every moment. Even though the pictures I order from the wedding just arrived today, July seems forever ago and I need my dose of California and all her wonder.

My final current obsession... One Tree Hill. I used to watch the show with my college roomie Erika (who BTW is engaged!!!) and then we stopped watching when the drama was so intense I actually had dreams about the characters... but Netflix has all the episodes so really what's a girl gonna do. I need to see what happens to Peyton, Lucas, Nathan and Haliey! And let me tell you (I'm on season 7 so really I've just been plowing through) I love being taken away to this imaginary place where my problems cease to exist and I swear Nathan looks like Kevin. (Oh side note- this might be one of those bad obsessions the websites were telling me about...)

So there we have it- I am living in obsession. From the colors, to the sounds, the feelings and the future, they're all positively overwhelming sensations that wrap me warm at night. May I keep my positive vibes high as the temperature drops below satisfaction and the vanilla twilight covers my delicious fall world. But until then, another round of soy pumpkin spiced lattes on me.

A Fearless Fall

Far too often fear gets the best of us. When tested by our biggest concerns or worries, the excuses come easier and self-compromises seem fairer. I think it truly takes someone to, in the kindest way, put you in your place and knock your fears right into your lap. No more hiding, no more excuses and no more fear.

I like to wear the fearless mask but underneath it all I have been ridiculously, childishly afraid of my future. Dare I admit that I like to talk the talk but as I glance at my past, I don’t see the walk. I see the talk and it’s time to back it up. (Yes I shall be my toughest critic).

Today, as I pitied myself and made the casual yet common complaint that I am currently “stuck” in my job, I was ever so graciously knocked out of a fantasy and dropped into reality. The realist revealed, "You only feel stuck because there is no one to tell you how to un-stick yourself.” She continued, "You have to carve your own opportunities and build and independently create yourself." There I sat- knocked off my fantasy wagon and thrown into reality. Honestly, in this career path, I have been waiting for someone to come along and tell me what to do. Tell me what job to apply for, what opportunity to grab and what chances to take. I was too afraid to ask questions about what my future could be and too afraid (and maybe lazy?) to test the waters myself and see what really is out there. Little did I know that all my answers would stem from questions I've been too afraid to ask.

We're on a self made time frame. Our big move is set for March/April and I saw this as a waiting period. A time for me to just sit and wait for someone or something to jump out and offer me that dream. Wrong!!! This time frame is now my chance to build myself up, learn as much as possible and create this portfolio so that my path is filled with experience and examples of pure determination. I thought the desire to succeed was enough but I need to personally put myself into drive. And so I'm ready.

Where does fear play into all of this? Fear was the reason I was waiting. Who wants to stick their neck out and have it chopped off and severed by the big bad boss? Who wants to give it their all and in the end only get a lesson and not a job offer? What I forgot, in the mist of all this fear, is that sometimes when the least expected happens and it's forseen as bad- it might not really be bad. A wise man (or woman because really this quote is anonymous to me) once said, "Barn burnt down, now I can see the moon" and I truly believe the foreseen bad can have good consequences. So here I go- what ever happens shall happen and I'll learn everything I can. I'll learn from mistakes and grow and develop them into something more. With my fearless mask off, I'm actually able to see and for the first time things are appearing with insane clarity.

Young Grasshopper Reflects

Oh August, what a rush.

It seems we returned from the golden state and things quickly, yet naturally, began to take shape. With moving boxes stacked up against the wall, Joanna and I spent our final days giggling and reminiscing our journey throughout the year. The apartment grew bare as Jo set off to Colorado to return to her Rocky Mountains and I began to prepare myself for domestic living. Boxes and bedsprings were loaded into the UHaul as Kev and I made one, small perrywrinkle room into a home. Saying goodbye to my apartment wasn't as hard as imagined but rather a big leap forward. Of course, when we got to Kevin's and there were boxes upon boxes, I had a small panic but it's a relief to know we are nearly all unpacked and as Kev works on being cleaner and making the bed, I am working on relaxing and not being such a neat freak. (Oh so these are those moments where you realize you're actually in a big girl relationship)...

The domestic living is simply nothing short of magic. Everything seems easier, less stressful. I live with my best friend who also happens to be my boyfriend, we live in a hip side of town filled with delicious foods and activities and my commute to work is a much shorter T ride and yet a relaxing 20 minute walk in the morning. We have easily adapted to each other's space and need for personal time (we are both currently blogging next to each other yet I doubt he knows I'm writing about him) and when we no longer want to be independent, I reach out my hand and he's there. For the bad days and the good, he's there- to talk it out, listen and side with me even when I'm wrong. For the first time, in maybe shall I say ever, I really, truly do not feel alone.

Besides this sappy love story... things have been pretty smooth sailing. My Boston copilot and favorite older brother moved back west but I've decided it's okay to be the only Valentino this side of the Mississippi. Oh yes, and speaking of sailing, we actually got to go back on the MV Explorer (the ship I sailed around the world on for SAS) and spend an evening on board the ship of dreams! It docked in the Boston harbor and so we dressed in our finest and headed back to the place I once was so fortunate to call home. As we entered gangway deck 5, the same smells rushed throughout and every memory came flooding back. I could barely handle myself as we stormed the decks and I told Kev endless stories as we sipped on wine and dined on deck 6 by the pool. Sadly, just like the voyage, our night ended but I will forever be blessed to have step foot on that magical vessel again.

Work is... attempting to progress. I can't even find the words because there are few words that describe the situation but I am somewhere between real interviews and coffee dates and cold interviews and performance reviews. Confused? Me too but I've been told to be patient and so that's what I tell myself everyday. Just be patient and the universe will unfold.

So as August wraps up and the weather calms down (I mean come on a hurricane??), I am nesting in my new pad and awaiting life. Still stomping the financial district, Starbucks in hand and chasing the unknown dream but enjoying the ride. When the words filter out, my safe haven, this blog, will, of course, be the first to know. But until then, Godspeed in whatever journey you rest in and at the end of the day, just breathe and smile. And, of course, rinse and repeat as necessary.

California Dreaming

You can take the girl out of California but you can't take the California out of the girl. (And that's Northern California for this girl). My trip home was perfect in every way. Never a dull moment, accomplished everything on our to do list and more, soaked in sunny rays, devoured delicious food and celebrated the joining of love at the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to.

Our first two days were simple and sweet. Pool side and tanning, afternoon walks, fro-yo, late night movies and home cooked meals, welcomed us east coasters to the laid back west coast style. Before we knew it, it was the day before the big day and the rehearsal dinner set up called for our creative skills. Transformed into blends of red and off white, the BBQ dinner was filled with giddy hosts, gleaming guests and multiple pairs of southern cowboy boots. Toasts of laughter, good cheer, faith and love, warmed the evening as sun set on the Marin hillside.

The ever so magical day finally arrived! Unfortunately, I spent the morning rushing between my sister's houses because my dress for the wedding had not arrived. Shall I quickly backtrack? Me- the beyond organized, always makes a list and never forgets anything girl was so excited and anxious to get home that I left my beautiful peach summer dress in my far, far away Boston closet. Overnight shipping promised a 3pm delivery but as luck would have it, they lost my dress and all I could do was breathe. (That and raid everyone's closet). As the afternoon heated up and the house began to rise for the occasion, a post office miracle delivered my precious cargo and the show went on. First stop, of course, family pitchers of the perfect margaritas before taking our ever so classic perfectly imperfect family pictures. (Word jumble huh?) In our best attire and relaxed stages, we gathered in the most picturesque park under the most divine and powerful eucalyptus trees as my sister, the most beautiful, calm, radiant bride joined her groom in holy matrimony. With only one tear drop escaping, vows were exchanged and our family and friends witnessed the purest example of love. And then it was time to celebrate. Farther down the road and deeper into the sun, we dined on fine wine, took many trips to the photobooth and danced until the very last song rang throughout the courtyard. High on life and good fortune, those tears of extreme happiness and thankfulness filled my eyes as the magical event began to simmer.

As if that wasn't enough to satisfy our vacation... we woke up minimal hours later and headed back to the place that started it all- Mountain Camp. With my little brother working as a counselor, we used any excuse to return to the mountain, visit friends and absorb as much of Lake Tahoe's beauty as possible. A warm welcome threw me right back into the routine and as we lay out at the lake with the sailboats fleeting, I remembered all the reasons I love it there and yet all the reasons we didn't return this summer. Sunburned and smiling, we headed down the mountain and into South Lake Tahoe for a luxurious night at MontBleu and a quick night of gambling. Luck was quite the lady for Kevin, as he walked away a high roller, and I walked away in the hole and angry with the dealer. Before we knew it, the sun was up and it was time to head back to Marin in time for a very special 30th birthday party. Another wonderful, yummy BBQ with gluten free cake and our new favorite drink 'Dirty Gingers' (okay really they are 'Big Gingers' but we changed the name). Yet another family outing where I am forever thankful and blessed to call these people my friends let alone family.

As my final California sun set, I was yet again filled with that pull. East coast or west and how do I have both? When to move back to California and will it work for both of us? Why am I so far away when everything feels right here? What is it about the east coast that continues to call my soul? These are not new questions and these are not questions that actually have answers. Before stressing out and putting a damper on this fabulous week, a wise man reminded me just to roll with it. For this moment, I am an east coast resident. I forever have my west coast roots and they shall never be severed. The west coast isn't going anywhere and she'll be waiting, arms wide open when we do return. For now, I have so much potential in Boston and so many exciting things to come my way. I know I have to go back and better yet I know I want to go back. And until my next visit, (duh Thanksgiving tickets already purchased) I have hundreds of photos to keep me laughing and in high spirits after this crazy, fun filled, love fest of a vacation.

Sweet Summer Disposition

I am knee deep in my first New England Summer. It's blazing hot, humidity sticks and frizzes my hair, everywhere inside is air conditioned but the drastic change in temperatures causes goose bumps and chills and it's so warm and still at night one can barely sleep. Even though this sounds absolutely miserable, the summer is actually okay. The adjustment of this being my first "working" summer as in there is no transition between work and vacation and it's just as it was before and yet the season has changed, was clearly difficult. I found myself longing for Mountain Camp, longing for summer vacation and longing for what used to be. Fortunately my mindset has yet again changed and I'm yet again grateful for where I currently am and wouldn't take any steps backwards.

We have filled our summer, thus far, with pool sides, long days at the beach, escapes to the Cape, late night BBQs, lots of frozen yogurt and spending every moment we can outside. My golden tan and glow is worth the melting, sweltering heat. And somewhere between sunshine and seashores, K and I celebrated our one year anniversary! A place in my life I never thought I'd be, with a boy I never thought I deserved, we looked back on this first year and enjoyed a night of harbor side seafood and music-less dancing in the park.

The change in seasons and change in weather has made this first year in Boston come full circle. Crazy to think back how cold it was, how the city was constantly covered in a down comforter of snow and sunshine seemed nearly impossible. But like all good things, the wait is worth it and so we devour each day (and secretly hope winter never comes again).

So, of course, I am and have always been a planner so there are always things cooking in my agenda. I wade in the present and absorb each moment but I get such a high out of planning my future and watching it unravel. The immediate future is somewhat expected- we are off to Vermont next weekend for friendly reunions and K's comedy show and then our highly anticipated visit to California is just 17 days away. The return to the west coast is just what I have been craving and just what I am needing. With a recent diagnosis of homesickness, I need California and all her glory to recharge my soul.

Upon our return to Boston, K and I are moving in together (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and our next chapter begins. We have future chapters planned- some in the near future and some off the map but for the first time I'm making all these plans with someone besides myself. And it's crazy because they are real plans and somehow these real/adult/big girl plans are not scaring me. As we plan for a move in 9 months (location to be revealed later but you can probably guess where...) I am thrilled and beyond excited to start making these steps together. Individually I am still making moves and plans to move up in my career- little acts of magic have already begun and the dreams are becoming more clear and attainable. Whatever happens, I'll be sharing the details. For better or worse.

Keep The Change

Am I just now beginning to understand that life is all about adapting and transforming into a myriad of changes that come your way? Maybe... and if I look at it this way then bring it on.With everything changing from seasons to living spaces to my hair color, it seems that the only way to survive is to set your sails and take a deep breath. Oh and maybe grab a lifevest.

As for my monthly flashback and reflection, things have been amazing, fortunately like always. My birthday was the best one yet filled with friends and brunch, gluten free cake and beach themed presents, the Blue Man Group rave and dance party, flowers and surprises and a bittersweet reminder that, in fact, I am getting older. As the temperatures began to rise into the 80's, Kev and I headed south to New York City- the center of the universe (or so RENT claims). My favorite NYC trip yet included English futbol, exploring a barge that is now a bar on the Chelsea Pier, all day BBQ in Brooklyn, comedy shows in Queens and, of course, we hit up Serendipity, Dylan's Candy Shop and Dash (however, no Kardashians were in sight). The long weekend was greatly enjoyed as was the 4 day work week.

This past weekend was jam packed with my first visit to the Gillette stadium (where the Pats play) and we saw the USA v. Spain soccer game. For someone who once was taught to chant, "we ain't playing no soccer!!" I seem to be making this sport my new interest. Brazil 2014 anyone? As if Saturday wasn't filled with my intake of thousands of people and fans, my girl friends and I put on our cowboy boots and headed to the Comcast Cast Center for the Jason Aldean and Eric Church concert. Afternoon BBQ, big trucks, fast cars and freedom, it was quite the sight to see. Dancing all night and soaking in the first concert of the summer left me with a little twang and thirsty for more.

Now this all leads to the changes and the things learned thus far. The highlights worth noting: sometimes having difficult conversations ease the pain and clear up any messy situation. I believe The Fray once said, "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." Corny but true. Number 2- food allergies lead to deficiencies and deficiencies lead to unhealthy lifestyles. That being said, I've started to eat chicken again and am actually enjoying it. (I can actually hear Lexi cheer from California). And my final thoughts- the sun is finally setting in, work is calming over and things that once seemed hectic now are routine and the daily countdown to CA is almost acceptable to begin. Taking it one day at a time and learning to love each of these warm summer days. So I'll keep the change- it keeps me on my toes and makes life just a little more interesting.