I recently made the 14 hour round trip trek to Manhattan, Kansas. Taking a roadtrip and attending a visitor football game was on my bucket list and what better time is there than the present.
Hannah and I miraculously left by 8:30am on Friday. The drive was filled with falls in the mud, run-ins with highway patrol, questionable roadtrip food and of course we ran out of gas in a town with population 12. When we reached Kansas State, we had no where to stay, no one to call and no agenda. It was perfect. We reminded ourselves that moments like these are where you truly experience life and we did just that. We made every moment count, met some of the craziest characters, played a horrible football game but tailgated in a million dollar RV, barely got sleep and before we knew it- we were back out on I-70 heading west.
Everyone told me Kansas was one of those states you can do without- that it's the same as Nebraska and Oklahoma and that there's nothing really there. Lies. I've never been to Oklahoma (next roadtrip?) but I've been to Nebraska and it was completely different. Kansas is gorgeous- Kansas knows fall. The colors were the kind you read about in books or the kind you crave to fill a blank canvas with. The open road offers everything. Miles of clear thoughts, blue skies and a few clouds that let your imagination run wild. The Kansasans, as I liked to call them, contain the most school spirit I've ever seen. They bleed purple and the entire town is dedicated to the Wildcat mania.
When I was applying for college, I thought it was going to be the biggest decision of my life. I spent hours looking at pictures, reading blogs and trying to figure out where I'd find myself. By the end, my dad reminded me that wherever you go, there you are and months later I moved to CU and now years later here I am- still happy as ever to have chosen CU but my happiness here wasn't found- I created it. I truly think that I would have been happy anywhere I attended school because you make it what it is. I'm about to make another one of these "life changing decisions" and currently it seems like the biggest yet- where to go after graduation. But I think it's clear that I'll make life enjoyable anywhere. Whether I end up in Manhattan, Kansas or Manhattan, New York I know I'm going to be just fine.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Falling Back
Suddenly it's October. The leaves are golden, the air is crisp and life is finally beginning to slow down. Already we're in midterm season- but didn't school just start?
Today finishes fall rush- I was a Rho Gamma or basically a guide for the freshmen girls going through recruitment. To be honest, I thought I was completely done with the sorority. I skipped out of rush and did the Rho Gamma thing and was contemplating dropping or going inactive. But within these last few days I've seen how much Theta has meant to me and how I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Maybe it was sitting at pref night speeches and seeing all the potential members nervous as hell and wondering if Theta was the right house for them- I remember sitting in their exact seat just 3 years ago. At first I was extremely jealous- so envious that their experiences are just beginning and sadly the ends of mine are in view. But I realized that these last years in Theta have molded my life in every way possible and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I guess I'm "that" sorority girl they talk about during rush- I've met the girls that will be in my wedding, the girls that will stand by my side no matter the situation and people that truly want the best for me and are determined to see me succeed. When I chose Theta 3 years ago, I never saw that in my future. I saw parties and boys and fraternities and fun. Who knew it would be all that and yet so much more?
Senior year has been by far the most stressful and most academically challenging but to be honest- I like it. I'm always at the library or Starbucks studying (I've been reading so much I had to break out my glasses from high school...) and my planner is maxed out. But I just keep reminding myself that this is the last year- the last time I'll have homework or midterms or class and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad.
It seems the future is a frequent topic amongst college seniors- what are you going to do? Where are you going to live? How does your resume look? When's your next interview? Some people freak out and wonder how life could possibly go on post college but I'm getting excited. It will be the first time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. As a classified roadrunner, my plans are always changing but as of today I want to move to the east coast- New York or Boston- and work my way into the publishing world. Make some money, work on my writings, publish them and travel. I want to be dead broke and live on a tight budget. I want a tiny apartment that barely fits my bed but has a large, inspiring window to fill my head with possibilities. I want a library card to explore the passion around me and a coffee pot to brew my imagination during the late nights.
Does that seem like too much to ask for?
Today finishes fall rush- I was a Rho Gamma or basically a guide for the freshmen girls going through recruitment. To be honest, I thought I was completely done with the sorority. I skipped out of rush and did the Rho Gamma thing and was contemplating dropping or going inactive. But within these last few days I've seen how much Theta has meant to me and how I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Maybe it was sitting at pref night speeches and seeing all the potential members nervous as hell and wondering if Theta was the right house for them- I remember sitting in their exact seat just 3 years ago. At first I was extremely jealous- so envious that their experiences are just beginning and sadly the ends of mine are in view. But I realized that these last years in Theta have molded my life in every way possible and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I guess I'm "that" sorority girl they talk about during rush- I've met the girls that will be in my wedding, the girls that will stand by my side no matter the situation and people that truly want the best for me and are determined to see me succeed. When I chose Theta 3 years ago, I never saw that in my future. I saw parties and boys and fraternities and fun. Who knew it would be all that and yet so much more?
Senior year has been by far the most stressful and most academically challenging but to be honest- I like it. I'm always at the library or Starbucks studying (I've been reading so much I had to break out my glasses from high school...) and my planner is maxed out. But I just keep reminding myself that this is the last year- the last time I'll have homework or midterms or class and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad.
It seems the future is a frequent topic amongst college seniors- what are you going to do? Where are you going to live? How does your resume look? When's your next interview? Some people freak out and wonder how life could possibly go on post college but I'm getting excited. It will be the first time in my life where I can do absolutely anything I want. As a classified roadrunner, my plans are always changing but as of today I want to move to the east coast- New York or Boston- and work my way into the publishing world. Make some money, work on my writings, publish them and travel. I want to be dead broke and live on a tight budget. I want a tiny apartment that barely fits my bed but has a large, inspiring window to fill my head with possibilities. I want a library card to explore the passion around me and a coffee pot to brew my imagination during the late nights.
Does that seem like too much to ask for?
Friday, August 21, 2009
All Grown Up
1,300 miles later, here I am sitting in my new house, at my new barbie pink desk, facing new neighbors but in a town so familiar that the 9 month absence almost seems like it never occurred. It's amazing that everything in my life can change yet Boulder remains and feels the same.
It's been just days of this new life. No more kids, no more traveling, no more songs around the campfire and no more moments with the people I miss so much. But this life- the life of a college senior- is already becoming the norm. Now I can cook for myself, can legally have a glass of wine or legally get into the bars on Pearl, can walk into my backyard and be greeted by my closest girlfriends, we can have candles in our rooms and not be worried around breaking a sorority house rule, and most importantly we can all come back after being separated for so long and act as if no time has passed. We are finally adults.
Camp ended on the best note- we celebrated a birthday with a limo ride, brewery visit, corn hole games and gambling (Randon and I won $60!) and returned to camp for one last night in a bunkbed and sleeping bag. Early Sunday morning, Randon drove me down to Sacramento to meet dad. With a farewell hug and kiss, I said goodbye to someone who has changed my life in the best possible way and got in the turtle to begin the 16 hour trip east. Crosby and Nash guided us over the mountains, into Reno for a few games of blackjack where my beginners luck was still sparking. Kings of Leon and Black Eyed Peas (yes my dad actually put up with my taste of music) led us through the Great Salt Lake and finally we stopped for the night in Wyoming. Bright and early we dashed out and before we knew it the Rockies were in view. We spent the day building furniture, buying home essentials and soaking in the Boulder sunshine. For my 3rd cinematic visit of the 2009 year, Dad and I went and saw '500 Days of Summer' and sadly the following morning I dropped him off at DIA. It was one of the best times I've ever had with my dad- it must go along with this whole adult stage of my life. We talked about everything- whether it was school, Theta, camp or boys and to no surprise he gave me the best and most relevant advice. Because of him, I'm ready to take on what comes next and I truly believe the universe will unfold just as it should.
This year has been unreal- every experience whether it was SAS, camp and now being back in Boulder, has taught me more about myself and given me more happiness than I ever thought imaginable. The future promises nothing less- I'm sure of it.
It's been just days of this new life. No more kids, no more traveling, no more songs around the campfire and no more moments with the people I miss so much. But this life- the life of a college senior- is already becoming the norm. Now I can cook for myself, can legally have a glass of wine or legally get into the bars on Pearl, can walk into my backyard and be greeted by my closest girlfriends, we can have candles in our rooms and not be worried around breaking a sorority house rule, and most importantly we can all come back after being separated for so long and act as if no time has passed. We are finally adults.
Camp ended on the best note- we celebrated a birthday with a limo ride, brewery visit, corn hole games and gambling (Randon and I won $60!) and returned to camp for one last night in a bunkbed and sleeping bag. Early Sunday morning, Randon drove me down to Sacramento to meet dad. With a farewell hug and kiss, I said goodbye to someone who has changed my life in the best possible way and got in the turtle to begin the 16 hour trip east. Crosby and Nash guided us over the mountains, into Reno for a few games of blackjack where my beginners luck was still sparking. Kings of Leon and Black Eyed Peas (yes my dad actually put up with my taste of music) led us through the Great Salt Lake and finally we stopped for the night in Wyoming. Bright and early we dashed out and before we knew it the Rockies were in view. We spent the day building furniture, buying home essentials and soaking in the Boulder sunshine. For my 3rd cinematic visit of the 2009 year, Dad and I went and saw '500 Days of Summer' and sadly the following morning I dropped him off at DIA. It was one of the best times I've ever had with my dad- it must go along with this whole adult stage of my life. We talked about everything- whether it was school, Theta, camp or boys and to no surprise he gave me the best and most relevant advice. Because of him, I'm ready to take on what comes next and I truly believe the universe will unfold just as it should.
This year has been unreal- every experience whether it was SAS, camp and now being back in Boulder, has taught me more about myself and given me more happiness than I ever thought imaginable. The future promises nothing less- I'm sure of it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Another Step Forward
It's hard to believe that in a matter of two short weeks, my life will change yet again. I will be surrounded by new people and living in a new place- actually people and a place that I call home, Boulder, but haven't been there since December. In just a 1,000 mile roadtrip with my awesome dad, I will pull into our new bachelorette pad on Pleasant and start my final year as a college kid. The perfect word to describe it all is bittersweet.
Life at camp was so easy to adjust to. Living outdoors, playing in the water, trying new activities and being submerged in the simple life- something I got used to and called my own quickly. It's a comforting feeling knowing I took a risk- I applied and came to camp not knowing a soul or what exactly I would be doing. Immediately it just felt right. It has been like every star aligned and I am exactly where I should be. And so as I get ready to leave this soothing, relaxing environment and enter the 'real world' I have to remind myself that it's yet another amazing opportunity coming my way.
I'm taking everything I learned whether it was from a 7 year old, 15 year old, from the late nights of stargazing, from the adventures sailing around the lake, the courage to get on stage and sing/dance, the willingness to try absolutely anything- from every counselor and friend who has shown me a brighter side to life and to a special boy who against all odds has shown me that good things are out and to enjoy each and every moment with a smile on your face and some faith in your heart.
It's another big leap but I'm ready.
Life at camp was so easy to adjust to. Living outdoors, playing in the water, trying new activities and being submerged in the simple life- something I got used to and called my own quickly. It's a comforting feeling knowing I took a risk- I applied and came to camp not knowing a soul or what exactly I would be doing. Immediately it just felt right. It has been like every star aligned and I am exactly where I should be. And so as I get ready to leave this soothing, relaxing environment and enter the 'real world' I have to remind myself that it's yet another amazing opportunity coming my way.
I'm taking everything I learned whether it was from a 7 year old, 15 year old, from the late nights of stargazing, from the adventures sailing around the lake, the courage to get on stage and sing/dance, the willingness to try absolutely anything- from every counselor and friend who has shown me a brighter side to life and to a special boy who against all odds has shown me that good things are out and to enjoy each and every moment with a smile on your face and some faith in your heart.
It's another big leap but I'm ready.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Life At 6,000 Feet
It's already the start of an amazing summer- the best I could ask for. Mountain Camp is everything I thought it would be yet so much more. The kids are wild, young and fill my days with happiness and craziness. They are a constant reminder that life is short so live it up.
I spend my days out on the lake lifeguarding, kayaking, sailing or cliff jumping. I come up to main camp where I lead sports, arts and crafts- aka I run around, play and paint. My evenings consist of campfires, skits, songs and sunsets that take my breath away. Every time I sit at the lake and then sun begins to fall behind the pine trees as the sailboats sway in the foreground- I have to honestly stop and wonder how I ever got so lucky to be here?
My co-workers have become my best friends in a matter of days- they come from all over the world and offer everything from a new insight on life to new vocabulary and slang. Even my boss has become a close friend and although I'm technically on the clock for 14 hours- I don't see one of them as work.
Ice House Lake is gorgeous in itself- I took a night kayak ride out with a friend and we cruised across the lake while the stars served as the only light. It was just one of those moments where I knew everything was just as it should be. Everything is magic and I honestly could not ask for more.
Coming from semester at sea to a month at home and now a summer in tahoe... at first I thought nothing would top my travels around the world but really- they just keep getting better.
I spend my days out on the lake lifeguarding, kayaking, sailing or cliff jumping. I come up to main camp where I lead sports, arts and crafts- aka I run around, play and paint. My evenings consist of campfires, skits, songs and sunsets that take my breath away. Every time I sit at the lake and then sun begins to fall behind the pine trees as the sailboats sway in the foreground- I have to honestly stop and wonder how I ever got so lucky to be here?
My co-workers have become my best friends in a matter of days- they come from all over the world and offer everything from a new insight on life to new vocabulary and slang. Even my boss has become a close friend and although I'm technically on the clock for 14 hours- I don't see one of them as work.
Ice House Lake is gorgeous in itself- I took a night kayak ride out with a friend and we cruised across the lake while the stars served as the only light. It was just one of those moments where I knew everything was just as it should be. Everything is magic and I honestly could not ask for more.
Coming from semester at sea to a month at home and now a summer in tahoe... at first I thought nothing would top my travels around the world but really- they just keep getting better.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Change In Attitudes
As much as things are back to normal, they are quickly about to change. Change seems to be the theme of this year- whether it's political, emotional, physical or mental everything around me seems to be changing.
Just as my waves of depression were crashing, Heidi took a surprise visit to San Francisco and lifted my spirits right up. It had been nearly a week and a half but it felt like forever since we had been sitting in 4164 sailing the open waters. Showing Heidi around was just what I needed. We took my favorite walk around town, played in the fog and sand at Stinson, drank hot espresso in Sausilito and had those hour long chats where by the end, the only remaining feeling is happiness. After introducing Heidi to the fam and my life here, it showed me that SAS is real. The friendships, the memories, the relationships- they are all alive and will remain apart of me.
Turning 21 was quite the change as well. I used to think 21 just meant you could legally party- little did I know, at the stroke of midnight it's like you've been given a permanent invitation to the adult table. It was the first birthday ever where when someone asked, "do you feel any older" I actually did.
Right after my birthday, I faced the biggest challenge of all: 39 hours of lifeguard certification. I must say I had been dreading this since... January when I knew I needed to take the class. I was scared of everything- getting in the water, failing, not knowing anyone or anything and being expected to make judgments to save someone's life. On the first day of class, I actually sat in the parking lot and had to convince myself to go. After taking a deep breath, I entered into Mill Valley Community Center and found the meeting room. Inside were twenty 15-17 year olds and now more than ever, I felt out of place and ridiculously old. We started off with the pre-req exam- something I had actually been practicing for the last week: 300 yards of freestyle and breaststroke and diving down to get a 10 lb. brick and carrying it 50 yards. Of course to anyone who can swim, this sounds relatively easy but I once taught myself to swim in our Bakersfield pool and never took lessons.
Against all odds, I passed and we began the actual course. The next 3 days were 8am-8pm of watching cheesy videos, reading textbooks, diving, holding my breathe for longer than I knew was possible, pretend rescues and surprisingly having an amazing weekend. I got to know some of the kids- they filled me in on the high school gossip and how they can't wait to get their license. They were dying to know any secrets I had about college and if I could pretty please just tell them what it's like to be in the Greek system. Simultaneously I was getting to know my lifeguard instructors who happened to be my age. They were two cute guys who basically were paid to babysit all weekend since let's be honest- 80% of the class didn't pay attention. By the end of the grueling 39 hours, I had made new friends, been offered a job at the MVCC pool (biggest shock of them all), passed with flying colors and even tested out of a section, faced all my aquatic fears, and was extended an invitation to hang out with the instructors after class.
It's these situations I have to remember- I always set it up in my head as something scary- facing challenges are horrifying but time after time I leave and come out having an amazing time. The time flew by, I learned more than I thought possible, made new friends and for a second it was fun to relive moments of high school. It was a good practice for my upcoming adventure at Mt. Camp where I literally know no one and will be living with them for 9 weeks.
The important thing I realized is my fear doesn't hold me back. Even though I sat in the car debating whether to actually go into the class, I knew I would. Even when there is a large obstructing task in front of me, I know I will conquer it and fortunately, when I get to the other side, I've gained far beyond what I started with.
Just as my waves of depression were crashing, Heidi took a surprise visit to San Francisco and lifted my spirits right up. It had been nearly a week and a half but it felt like forever since we had been sitting in 4164 sailing the open waters. Showing Heidi around was just what I needed. We took my favorite walk around town, played in the fog and sand at Stinson, drank hot espresso in Sausilito and had those hour long chats where by the end, the only remaining feeling is happiness. After introducing Heidi to the fam and my life here, it showed me that SAS is real. The friendships, the memories, the relationships- they are all alive and will remain apart of me.
Turning 21 was quite the change as well. I used to think 21 just meant you could legally party- little did I know, at the stroke of midnight it's like you've been given a permanent invitation to the adult table. It was the first birthday ever where when someone asked, "do you feel any older" I actually did.
Right after my birthday, I faced the biggest challenge of all: 39 hours of lifeguard certification. I must say I had been dreading this since... January when I knew I needed to take the class. I was scared of everything- getting in the water, failing, not knowing anyone or anything and being expected to make judgments to save someone's life. On the first day of class, I actually sat in the parking lot and had to convince myself to go. After taking a deep breath, I entered into Mill Valley Community Center and found the meeting room. Inside were twenty 15-17 year olds and now more than ever, I felt out of place and ridiculously old. We started off with the pre-req exam- something I had actually been practicing for the last week: 300 yards of freestyle and breaststroke and diving down to get a 10 lb. brick and carrying it 50 yards. Of course to anyone who can swim, this sounds relatively easy but I once taught myself to swim in our Bakersfield pool and never took lessons.
Against all odds, I passed and we began the actual course. The next 3 days were 8am-8pm of watching cheesy videos, reading textbooks, diving, holding my breathe for longer than I knew was possible, pretend rescues and surprisingly having an amazing weekend. I got to know some of the kids- they filled me in on the high school gossip and how they can't wait to get their license. They were dying to know any secrets I had about college and if I could pretty please just tell them what it's like to be in the Greek system. Simultaneously I was getting to know my lifeguard instructors who happened to be my age. They were two cute guys who basically were paid to babysit all weekend since let's be honest- 80% of the class didn't pay attention. By the end of the grueling 39 hours, I had made new friends, been offered a job at the MVCC pool (biggest shock of them all), passed with flying colors and even tested out of a section, faced all my aquatic fears, and was extended an invitation to hang out with the instructors after class.
It's these situations I have to remember- I always set it up in my head as something scary- facing challenges are horrifying but time after time I leave and come out having an amazing time. The time flew by, I learned more than I thought possible, made new friends and for a second it was fun to relive moments of high school. It was a good practice for my upcoming adventure at Mt. Camp where I literally know no one and will be living with them for 9 weeks.
The important thing I realized is my fear doesn't hold me back. Even though I sat in the car debating whether to actually go into the class, I knew I would. Even when there is a large obstructing task in front of me, I know I will conquer it and fortunately, when I get to the other side, I've gained far beyond what I started with.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
How To Deal
“Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning...breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out....and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how great and perfect I had it once” Sleepless in Seattle
Everything is different and it’s only been a week. I have successfully slept through one night while the others I stay up late living through pictures, journal entries or night chats with fellow shipmates who have suddenly become nocturnal as well. I have never felt like this. Part of me feels like I am in a dream; an alter universe. It doesn’t seem real when I tell people “I circumnavigated the globe” or “I went around the world” because most people (sometimes even I) can’t fathom the idea.
Everyone has been so supportive. Thank you to those who have listened to me, who have cared and who continue to remind me that this journey did occur and it is simply the beginning. My parents have been ridiculously accommodating and helpful but I guess that's another part of growing up- they are treating me as an equal and the leash they once held must have been severed somewhere along the ride.
For the first time in my life, I feel older. Being in Novato, feels like I’m visiting- even being in my parent’s house feels like I’m at my grandparents or somewhere I can call home but not necessarily my own. That in itself is scary.
I’m finding comfort in others who have traveled, returned and felt completely lost but then wrote about it. My second day here started off at the library- surrounded myself with inspiration and wisdom while finding complete self help in the travel section. It’s a slow process- filtering through all the emotions and at times I’m a wreck. My mood changes by the hour. One moment I’m full of energy, ready to take on the next adventure, eager for Mt. Camp and happy to be here. The next I’m crying and questioning why I’m even here and if there is anything greater than what I just experienced. I’m missing people and the life I created- the life at sea I so easily called mine because it fit perfectly.
Fortunately, I’m often in the happy mood. I really am thrilled for the next chapter of my life. I’m looking forward to being here with my family, turning 21 in San Francisco next week, attempting to become life guard certified, moving to Lake Tahoe and working at Mt. Camp and then starting yet another chapter of my life for my final year in Boulder (which might be the scariest realization of them all...)
Facebook and the modern world have made it rather easy to keep in contact with people. Every time someone posts pictures online I get the rush of excitement and take a long, whole hearted stroll down memory lane. As close as it makes everyone seem, the people I miss the most feel the farthest away. While driving up on the 101 yesterday, I thought what if I kept going? Washington is just north and I could be there by sundown. Unfortunately I settled for a phone call but oh how the temptation is there...
Everything is different and it’s only been a week. I have successfully slept through one night while the others I stay up late living through pictures, journal entries or night chats with fellow shipmates who have suddenly become nocturnal as well. I have never felt like this. Part of me feels like I am in a dream; an alter universe. It doesn’t seem real when I tell people “I circumnavigated the globe” or “I went around the world” because most people (sometimes even I) can’t fathom the idea.
Everyone has been so supportive. Thank you to those who have listened to me, who have cared and who continue to remind me that this journey did occur and it is simply the beginning. My parents have been ridiculously accommodating and helpful but I guess that's another part of growing up- they are treating me as an equal and the leash they once held must have been severed somewhere along the ride.
For the first time in my life, I feel older. Being in Novato, feels like I’m visiting- even being in my parent’s house feels like I’m at my grandparents or somewhere I can call home but not necessarily my own. That in itself is scary.
I’m finding comfort in others who have traveled, returned and felt completely lost but then wrote about it. My second day here started off at the library- surrounded myself with inspiration and wisdom while finding complete self help in the travel section. It’s a slow process- filtering through all the emotions and at times I’m a wreck. My mood changes by the hour. One moment I’m full of energy, ready to take on the next adventure, eager for Mt. Camp and happy to be here. The next I’m crying and questioning why I’m even here and if there is anything greater than what I just experienced. I’m missing people and the life I created- the life at sea I so easily called mine because it fit perfectly.
Fortunately, I’m often in the happy mood. I really am thrilled for the next chapter of my life. I’m looking forward to being here with my family, turning 21 in San Francisco next week, attempting to become life guard certified, moving to Lake Tahoe and working at Mt. Camp and then starting yet another chapter of my life for my final year in Boulder (which might be the scariest realization of them all...)
Facebook and the modern world have made it rather easy to keep in contact with people. Every time someone posts pictures online I get the rush of excitement and take a long, whole hearted stroll down memory lane. As close as it makes everyone seem, the people I miss the most feel the farthest away. While driving up on the 101 yesterday, I thought what if I kept going? Washington is just north and I could be there by sundown. Unfortunately I settled for a phone call but oh how the temptation is there...
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